WTF is Alpha and Alpha Capture (in stonks)?

Alright, well, let’s talk about degen terms and go down a rabbit hole in Scammalism. Where everything is a scam, including breathing.


Besides being the first letter, related to aleph, and spira-noma-animus of meta-physica. Uhm, alpha has a place in da markets.

Alright, First common sense rule of the markets is that;

in order to gain money, someone else has to lose money.

That’s a fact. Like, jokes aside, I’m not kidding.

But I’m also kidding.

Consider it a law of conservation of money, in which money is exchanged, can be created, and destroyed. So not really a conservation, but yea.

For people who aren’t printing money (like the Fed Bois, Fractional Reserve Banks, and counterfeiters) then in order to make money, you gotta take it from someone else.

(And I get that money and current-sea aren’t the same thing, but you’re missing the point here if you want to talk about Semantics.)


So the nerds, quants, and finance people invented a term called ‘alpha’ and they threw a bunch of sophisticated jargon to back it up.

Here is Investopedia’s definition;

Basically, people define alpha as a ‘market anomaly’ or ‘difference in price’ in which there is an opportunity to ‘correct the market’ and make money by shaving off and smoothing the bumps in the price line. Maybe by buying the dip, or by selling the tip,

It’s like a value-seeking thesis based on value. . . And value is all subjective, which means Speculation. lmao.

I’ll let you in on a secret,

Alpha is actually some idiot schmuck who got their dick caught in the fan. Remember how I said the first Rule of the Markets is THAT IN ORDER TO GAIN MONEY, SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO LOSE MONEY.

Well, so in order to ‘beat the market’ we’ll have to explain what the market is. The market is a collective of various traders, and the traders trade via ‘market makers’ and thus the market is made.

So ‘beating the market’ means on average you are beating ‘other traders’.

That’s a fact. This time I’m kidding.

But I’m also not kidding.

So for instance, Alpha can be retail traders like you or I, or a big over-extended over-exposed over-leverage hedge fund like Archegos. Point is, Archegos lost a lot of money (Billions), so who stood to gain that money? (I’ll give you a hint, it was likely some short seller that got stiffed by the GSX play)

Someone lose money = Someone gain money


Archegos Downfall was a BIG chunk of alpha.

And traders and such call these ‘market corrections’. When Alpha is gained by a trader, what that really means is that the collective consciousness of the market popped a pimple in some spot and redistrict funds. So one group wins, and another loses.

Just smoothing out the price line.

Welcome to the current Capital Markets.

Alpha Capture

The Current Capital markets (stonks) is in an evolutionary stage of economic primitive barbarism. Where you gain money by taking it from someone else. Instead of having large injections and steady streams of income infusion and reliable liquidity (besides Retail-Schmuck swindling) into the markets from actual revenue and profits of goods and services rendered. Instead, the Sharks and Whales of the Capital markets pilfer from those that are less fortunate. Through obviously manipulation and foul play. And by less fortunate, I mean the poor retail traders that are duped into investing their monies directly into these capital markets, or indirectly through their savings/retirement/pension accounts.

Which includes the ‘twenty year’ veteran that’s been able to make decent gains but still trusts the bought out media for news source and information.

The above statements are fact and is probably the most Succinct and Best (BASED) statement on finance, capital markets, and economics in all of a hundred years. Of course, that’s my opinion. That opinion, being my opinion, is a fact, so everything here- opinion-wise is backed by facts. There, logik.

My Fax machine can Xerox better than the Fed Money Printer going BRRRRRRR

Basically, Wall Street advertises stonks to the retail (and global) investors, to which they then manipulate and squeeze capital out of them. Like a casino or a farm, except they’re farming a literal ‘cash crop’ and each retail investor is the alpha. . .

(And Casino’s have public disclosures and fixed risk rates, so Wall Street is less honorable than actual Casinos. . .)

Hence Alpha capture.

Definitely Alpha af

As a Side note, the regulatory committee that is the SEC exists to “restore faith and confidence in the markets”, not to actually make sure people play fair. That’s not what they do. lmao. They just want you to ‘feel safe’ investing your money, just like the useless FDIC or SIPC insurance shits. Just a bunch of fluff to make you ‘feel good’ uwu intensifies

Think of the SEC as a ref with bought out pockets turning the blind eye to help favoritism find their money-friendly-friend win in bouts and settlements. Yea, the SEC is like that, and also couples as a bouncer for the Casino, that is, the stock market.

Ever noticed how it’s always the wall street guys that say;

“I’m afraid of retail mom and pop investors getting hurt”?

Well that’s because they’re saying the Retail investors are gonna ride a pump and dump scheme and lose their small amounts of money. So in an incredulous white-knighting and virtue signaling, these big money tycoon heavy weights are just trying to paint a ‘we care about you’ image before they knock your bantam-ass lights out, and mug you pound-for-pound of your pounds or cash-money.

You see, for Retail traders to lose money, someone else has to gain money.

And guess who manipulates the media to pump news about stonks to create pump and dumps?

Well, if it isn’t those retarded TikTok Financial advisors, than it’s probably the big bois with big toys.

By that I mean Wallstreet and Large funds who have a buy in on expensive Toys (media outlets like) Market Watch, Seeking Alpha, Motley Fool, Bloomberg, etc.

You need to follow the Cash paper trail.

Market Watch owned in part by Hedge Funds

Seeking Alpha takes bribes

Motley fool has their own Hedge fund that they pump

Bloomberg is named after Michael Bloomberg that sells financial services and other awesome things through his renown Bloomberg Terminal

-Financial Times
by titles, they mean media outlet names

These media outlets are just like the political ones, bought out and biased.

Media is not Based, that’s a fax.

Also, the BEST STOCK YOU SHOULD BUY, FORGET ABOUT XXXX, BEFORE YOU INVEST IN XXXX, and similar titles by degenerate media are actually trying to hook the retail trader to invest in a trap, Because they Genuinely really believe you are dumb money.

Dumb enough to ‘believe everything you read’ and ‘blindly trust the media’ and be super emotional over your week’s paycheck that you should’ve put on rent but opted not to because you’re in the habit of making poor life decisions anyway. Anyways,

This ‘advertisement on stonks’ would create excess liquidity (from inviting new suckers into the Ponzi scheme) that can be farmed as alpha. So in theory, the name of the website ‘Seeking Alpha’, wasn’t looking for market anomaly’s Alpha, they instead, like other financial media, they are trying to CREATE anomaly’s by roping in retail tardo-s I mean Traders. You know, Alpha.

Here’s an example of FORGET ABOUT XXX stories, is it click bait? Yes.

or Just type in Google search;
“Site: Forget”

With these headlines, you gotta ask; Is it to increase speculative degenerate gamblers into yeeting into a trap that may or maynot constitute a pump-and-dump? Well, the answer is a hard-ly-soft Maybe.

Ever wonder why the media

LOVES reporting the ‘rags to riches’ lottery winner of a degenerate stonk trader? It’s because that advertisement is to entice future degens of the profitability of jumping in the market for a ‘quick buck’. Greed gets greedy, git got.

These stories have that whole ‘feel good vibe’ and that ‘gives me hope’ type shit that people lap up like a fucking kitten. You know, deluding people into further risks of gambling in the hopes that ‘all is right in the world’ and that you too can make a quick buck without understanding the dynamics of capital markets.

Or even the first rule I mentioned; that in order to gain money, someone has to lose it. Yea, so a bunch of newbie-noob-nubs nig-nag and zig-zag their way to quickly ACH transfer their savings into a stonk account and impatiently buy as soon as possible. No Strategy, no thinking, just ‘wen rich’ as they yeet their money and get happy or upset at $5 changes.

Yea, the whole ‘kid makes more than you ever did in your life by buying THIS STONK’ and then you think ‘well that definitely beats being a wage slave for cuck-bucks and a shitty retirement after dead-end job-investing about two-prison-life-sentences worth of time’ and then you gamble into stonks.

The whole “get rich doing This One Trick” which is actually a trick to trick YOU to invest in Stonks.

Here are some examples by the legacy media to make you have ‘naive hope’ at getting rich;

Like isn’t the minimum age to gamble like 18? Wtf man?
Always a ‘Kid’ or some unsuspecting Average person
And some risky or ‘everyone can afford, Penny Stonks’

All of these stories help attract ‘new money’ or ‘new investors’, which every one loves. And by ‘every one’ I mean the corrigible Money Priests that will take your newbie ass to pound-town faster than you can say ‘not every catholic’.

Yea, here’s a totally unrelated example of a big shot saying something;

That Fear of missing out on an early retirement and perceived ‘easy money’ just because you think some degen made it, is the FOMO getting your dick hard enough to stick it in a couple box spreads, options, penny stocks, and land into new-found margin-call-debt-slavery. Because Dumb Money is any money that doesn’t know that Stonks are a scam.


So now that we have the hook and bait,

Guess who’s doing the hurting? Most likely some Wall Street Guy/firm. Yup.

Hey bud, if your money is in the capital markets, you’re asking for it.
It’s a fucking warzone, don’t be surprised if you get shot.
(Metaphorically financially of course)

Look, I’ll be real with you. People don’t “make friends” on Wall Street, and that’s coming from me, a Bridge-dwelling-Troglodyte. So if they ain’t friendly with other Wall Streeters, they definitely are not your friend, guy. Alright, bud? Yuuz a listening pal?

They (WallSt) might create temporary alliances to dogpile someone else, but that’s just the name of the financial game. Each person got’s thay hands in each others pockets. Honestly, It could pass off as a circle jerk if you didn’t know they were holding wallets and not dicks.

Even the Investment Banks and other large institutions Front Run Each other. If you’re not cutt-throat and you lose out on a deal, guess who’s a’ getting fired.

It’s fucking viscous, and I love it.

Here, I drew a picture to help you visualize;

Wall streeters basically

See, if you look at it differently, they look like they are giving each other hand jibbers while being clothed. You know, like heathens. (Clothes = Gross, save money and time on hand jibbers, be nudist)

In reality, retail investors are just little minnows that get gulped up. From someone who has five dollars to someone with millions, just small fish in a big pond.

Trust me on this, there is a big difference from Millions to Billions, so a few mill is chump-change-Tuna in these markets. But Protein is protein so they still gonna seek some of your Ass-lpha.

(also, side note, why do you think Certified/Accredited investors are a thing? It’s to limit the poors from making a slingshot chance into the Capital Class by having access to better financial derivatives and offerings. To be fair, the minimum credit to be accredited didn’t change, so if you factor inflation, Capital class is arguably a lot higher than merely a few million dollars. Chump change I tell ya. But me explaining all of that extra stuff won’t mean jack shit for you to enjoy the opportunity of that gap and take advantage of it because. . . well, you’re listening to a drunkard talk about the markets)

Here’s a tweet from a Former Hedge Fund manager to help convince ya;


Well, so we know that ‘Alpha’ is retail money, or ‘dumb money’.

And we also know that making money by taking it from dumb money is ‘capturing alpha’.

That’s the big takeaway here. Welcome to stonks!

Because Retail Traders from Main Street keep reproducing
and work wage-slave jobs
For Cuck Bucks into a shitty retirement,
all of which is ripe for the taking
I mean, re-appropriating ‘arbitrage’ through capital markets. *ahem* lmao

Post Edit 17 June 2021, I just wanna throw in this meme from a while back;

Here are some additional links to help understand ‘alpha capture’ and how ‘dumb money’ gets swindled;

Good ole “dumb money” (aka, you and ya boi)

Link 1 Anton Kreil

Link 2

Here’s a totally tangentially-yet-unrelated meme for shits and giggles about capitalizing gains and socializing losses;

-Let’s bail out da banks bois

In Closing

So, yea, the stock market is rigged.

And it’s definitely related to retirement accounts and ETFs becoming an unmitigated monstrosity. But that’s a discussion for another time.

Hey, Look; I still yeet my personal money into it (stonks)? Why, well it’s a bit complicated but basically it’s my slingshot to money besides hard-work-til-I-die. So, I definitely am a schmuck.

I mean, Casino’s by nature have odds that favor the house. Yet people still gamble at them.

Is the stock market really that different?

I mean, it sure is fun as fuckk.


Atleast you know why people say that the Stock Market is a scam and that the little guys get their wool pulled over their sheeply eyes.

Thank your local cynical Boomers the next time ya sees them, remind them that Stratton Oakmont was a thing too. Oh, mention ‘that you’re going to invest in penny stonks’ and they’ll get triggered. It’s great.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, I should get a nobel prize in economics-gambling for this quote;

I’m a got-dang Genie us.

You can quote me on that,

I’m kidding, don’t.

But I’m also not kidding, don’t.

Well, enjoy gambling into tendie town you speculator you;

But also; Don’t

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice

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