You see, a credit score is a scam, it is some made up funny number used by a whole bunch financial institutions to judge you based on credit history and other factors.
If you have a high credit score, you get offers to better rates and such. Like a privilege to pay less because you have a history of paying on time. Which means “Hey look at this shmuck, they actually pay their bills like a safe bet. Best to give them low rates and keep them hooked on snorting new lines of credit”. Like wtf are humans if not shitty junk bonds like Mortgage Backed Securities? Oh wait, yes. Humans are Mortgage Backed Securities. But that’s a conversation for another time (Mortgage means ‘death grip’ you cuck).
Also with a high credit score, you get a shit ton of fucking useless mail asking you to refinance your home, buy a car, auto, credit cards, and other usury bullshits. It’s annoying as fuck, and I’m too lazy to put myself on the “Do not disturb registrar”, partly because these guys lose money on mail by sending me shit. (Which they probably write off in taxes anyways. fuck me).
On the other end of the spectrum, if you have a low credit score, you get punished by paying higher interest rates and being tossed around like a cheap floosie. They would rather charge the poor credit bastard a Higher rate to squeeze what little they can before they end up defaulting. Yes. So the Credit Score system fucks hard and fast, those with low scores, and softly, those with high scores.
Guess who doesn’t have a credit score?
Besides homeless and people who aren’t spotted by the all seeing eye of the system;
The Super Rich, because they’re ‘good for it’. I mean, what are the banks going to do? Deny the Super Rich a loan or credit? That would be like pissing off a regular customer, those rich people are rich and the cost of doing business is banking with them. (which is actually making bank).
That’s generally why banks and such don’t think twice when it comes to people with a lot of money and financial backing.
Hell, just pay off or lie to get the tabloids to say you’re worth Billions of dollars, and you could walk into a bank and get a loan for millions of dollars. Lmao, Isn’t that what Donnie T did?
Probably the reason why rich hedge funds like Archegos Capital could draw so many lines of credit and yolo on margin. Because banks like JPM thought “the other guys did their Due Diligence” or something.
You think Banks and such actually do their due diligence? Only if you’re a poor or look like a poor do you get treated like a poor. Walk like a poor, look like a poor, talk like a poor, the bank says “three strikes and you’re out”.
You know, the big club of rich people. You’re either in it or not. lmao.
As a wage cuck myself, I had a credit score of 800+ which is high I guess.
And then the gayest thing happened (the non-rainbow kind of gay)
I was looking into refinancing my mortgage (which is also a scam) to get lower rates from the same lender, and they did a ‘hard’ credit check which dropped my credit score by 50 points. And That was big (non-rainbow) gay.
I was literally making payments on time at a higher payment and interest rate,
Then I unlocked more equity and wanted to refinance with the same lender, to which my home also increased in value.
And for some fucking reason, the system or some evil bog-shite, wanted to credit check me.
For a loan that is less than my current one, at a lower interest rate.
Like I could understand if it was with a new lender, but it was with the same lender.
They literally saw that I could pay a higher price and had no missing payments. Like what the fuck was the point of the credit check?
I’m salty, so this saltiness inspired this article. But I’ve also been meaning to get around to talking mad smack about this shitty system, so The spite helps the writing inspiration. lmao.
Why Credit scores probably exist
Here’s a little crackpot detour on probably the reason for why we should have credit scores. I still think they’re a scam regardless;
Because we can’t be racist legally or fiduciarily and we can’t know everyone. Can’t always let nepotism shine and give someone the homie-hook up in a society full of randos, now, can we? Because of the nature of profiling people, it seems less racy to just slap a phat-ass number on someone’s profile-rap-sheet and judge their next loan and interest rates on such.
So that’s what we do. Just ignore a few things, you know. . .
Besides the whole 2008 sub-prime mortgage where we were totally racist and predated on black folks under the guise of low credit scores to get usury rates on Mortgages and Shitty ARMs. Which of course we used these Mortgage Backed Securities as junk bonds which we hid as Triple A (AAA) assets in CDOs and did the old switcheroos to everyone’s retirement plan while profiting billions. Then when the whole shit show popped and took out the market and everyone’s 401k and jobs, we all blamed it on some Madoff Guy as if he was the sacrificial lamb for it all. Lmao, good times. It’s a beautiful thing.
So instead of going full socialist into a credit system ranking social interactions through a ledger that might as well be called a ‘Book of Faces’, we just have some made up numbers agreed by credit score companies on how well you score.
They rank you by some bullshit metrics.
Totally not racist;
Why they actually exist (Spark notes)
So a Guy named Bill Fair and Earl Isaac created Fair, Isaac, and Company, which later became FICO.
This came out in like 1986/89.
lol, so it didn’t even exist until recently
and has been systematically limiting people
Ironically, it was made to restructure the impartial credit scoring system at the time,
How Ironic (and poetic?)
This eventually evolved Banks to become not much different from a factory.
An assembly line where people are the product,
Slap a number and scan a barcode (social security) on the product, yep, Le Capitalism.
Now loans became issued not based on experience or character, but based on numbers and dry data. Like so dry, there’s no lube. Or atleast they can say “it’s because of numbers”,
Point is, people who use credit scores and credit ratings can just lie to you. It’s like statistics and finance had a baby, because statistics is all about lying and finance is about money. So now we lie with numbers for money.
Again, Le Capitalism.
People simp over credit scores
Besides letting imaginary ‘scores’ judge people and classify them in different classes, Humans tend to like arbitrary rules and generically monstrous systems of redundant malarkey.
And people let credit scores get to them, like they actually mean something or something.
Hell, I don’t care about them, but if you say I lost 100 points for something, even if it’s a game I don’t play, I WILL take offense. Not only that, but I Must take offense.
And I’m sure there are other retards just like me that would do the same, If you don’t believe me then you lose 15 points. See, you either agree with me or lose 100 more points. Points to what? Who gives a shit, that’s for me to keep score and you to be upset about for no reason.
Welcome to numerological psychology 101, leminscate bitches.
Yes, people freak out and panic on their credit scores. And paying off your loans will actually change your ‘credit utilization’ and ‘debt-to-income ratio’, closing a line of credit (the loan) and actually LOWER your credit score. Welcome to the scam.
Predation on Low Scores
Look bud, people are financially illiterate. Most people don’t even know how to file taxes, another scam, and when they guess the number wrong on filing taxes, they get taxed even more! So the system punishes the illiterate.
So of course the financial system is a fucking mess, just like life, and I’m here to say that there are creatures out there that seek the illiterate chumps for a quick buck. Not only do people take advantages of loopholes, they also seek profit.
I mean, what are interest rates but an intangible made up number borrowing compounding futures from your abstract 4th dimensional temporal investment of past sacrifices? See, if you didn’t know that, I would’ve sold you easy on an 8-ball or a pump-and-dump scheme.
I mean, just look around your local ghetto for a payday loan. If they are in business, then they must be making some money. Just like the numerous taco stands that exist. Why do you think these Financial Predators do so well?
It’s because people lack energy and the knowledge. But the point is, you’ll hear and see bait be put out. Maybe an advertisement or a fake mating call;
You’ll definitely hear the pandering salesman or commercial say something like “no credit, Bad credit, NO PROBLEM!” and then they’ll try to get you into a payday loan or some usury agreement for a motorized CERTIFIED pre-owned Piece of Shit
or some sort of bling bling jewelry that reflects your credit score like so;
Sadly, we live in a society
And the current meta is using credit scores.
So you’ll need some high credit scores to be able to open some lines of credit.
And to get higher credit scores, you need to open some lines of credit.
Welcome to the scam!
Or simply put;
Credit becomes a survival tool, almost like an insurance. Where people need to get their credit scores up to be eligible to take out a loan should something unfortunate happen. Which, I mean, insurance already doesn’t cover shit and is a scam. So people have to get into credit scores, as a scam, to cover the thing their insurance didn’t cover, which is a scam. It’s all a big scam.
I mean, we live in a society. . . where we have to rely on LOANS to take care of possible emergent issues. That is the standard, and not some alternate universe weird fucking black swan thing. Just saying, it’d be really cool if we weren’t so reliant on taking out loans for everything.
Not only are credit scores used for loans and financial bullshit,
They’re also used to rent houses and apartments. That’s right, people now ding your fucking credit to determine whether they trust you. As if that 6 month lease is THAT MUCH OF A CREDIT RISK. Whatever, it’s stupid.
So if you don’t have good enough credit, you’ll have to rope in a co-signer and risk their credit. Or, you know, you could just not get that apartment and instead couch surf or live on the streets homeless. (and probably jobless too because mail and having an address seems to be directly correlated and important for getting out of poverty).
Welcome to the hustle.
Let’s go over how to get a high score, and how to lose points in this made up game of numbers in a shitty financial social credit system;
How Do Git Gud Numbah?
Now that I’ve painted the picture on why this is a scam, I’m going to teach you how to be a schmuck in said scam. Because again, “We Live in a society”.
You need two things;
- Have lines of credit.
- And Pay on time.
1. Have Old Lines of credit
You can get lines of credit through loans or other things, you might have to borrow someone else’s credit as a ‘co-signer’ in order to start the ball rolling or to get a large line of credit that you normally don’t qualify for.
You could also post up some collateral to help justify getting a line of credit, but most banks nowadays don’t want your used 2002 Ford Explorer Tundra with a lifted cab and a sawed off exhaust. Something about not being liquid enough.
Anyways, Lines of Credit are basically loans or credit cards.
So start Credit card churning and keep them line open.
The Longer and Older those lines of credit are, the more points they give you.
For credit cards, Helocs, and other money loans, the larger the paper trail, the better. Also try not to max out your checking lines of credit.
For instance, if you can borrow 20k, don’t borrow and owe all 20k. Some random idiots from the internet says you should have no more than 30% of your max limit borrowed. Something something ‘30%’ revolving credit made up hogwash something.
Point is, there is some sort of Debt-to-income ratio called ‘credit utilization’ and you are supposed to be somewhere between 10 to 30% in debt because the system. Yea, the System.
Also some other idiots say you shouldn’t pay off all your debts. All you got to do is pay a little bit each month, paying off the whole thing isn’t great for your credit score for whatever reason.
Banks want money, and money comes from interest. So they’ll give you more ‘good boy’ points if you pay more interest by making minimum payments instead of paying off the whole thing.
“good boy u paid ur debts gooood boooooooyyyyyy”
2. Pay on time
Just pay on time.
Some agreements were big gay and would Nickle and Dime you for paying more than the balance. So read your contracts to make sure you aren’t penalized for making advance payments or payments ahead of schedule or whatever legal jargon they hide this clause under nowadays. Point is, read before you sign and understand things.
Whatever, TLDR; pay on time.
Sell your first borne, refinance with a gun, Plant tulips on dicks for money, Sell your soul with a fiddle match with the devil, what ever the case. Just pay on time and made up number goes up.
Credit history is the name of the game, just have a long history of credit and making payments on time and you’re good to go.
Hard and soft C
So for Credit scores to matter, someone has to check them and use them which they file into a thing called a ‘credit report’ which reports on your asses’ credit.
And checking your credit actually hurts your credit score. Lmao, I wish I made that up.
Lmao, it’s like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, where you can know either the location OR speed of a subatomic particle, but by sheer observation you alter the value of the other thing being observed.
It’s like that but it doesn’t have to be because credit scores are made up bull shit and not base constituent elements of the universe.
So if someone does a hard check on your credit score, you lose like 50 points.
Soft checks might hurt you by a few points, maybe 10, idk, I make up numbers on the fly just like them.
They do this to see your ‘credit worthiness’ and determine if they should give you this loan or line of credit.
So if you have low credit, your stuck in this sort of credit hell or purgatory where no one will loan you shit, and you probably can’t buy anything, let alone a house. So get fucked by the system my guy;
The best you qualify for at No Loan Zone is a shitty interest rate near usury prices and probably a pay day loan or some sub-prime mortgage bullshit.
Welcome to Credit hell.
Quick Ways to Credit Hell
The quickest way to sink your made up number, is also something you should be wary of. In case you want to keep a high number, or if you like riding rollercoaster numbers (like me when I trade gourd futures on leveraged margin).
Opening new lines of credit is actually hurtful in the short term. You see, you need OLD lines of credit, so you opening a bunch of credit lines is not doing you any good in the near future. You gotta have that shit for a hot minute.
Closing your lines of credit lowers your score. So if you pay off a loan, student loans, mortgage, car loan, or anything. Your Credit score actually tanks. LMAO. Remember, banks want interest, no loan means no interest, which means “no good boy points”.
Refinancing also closes your old line of credit, and opens a new line of credit. So you lose credit because you closed a line, and you lose credit because you opened a baby new line of credit with no credit history. Double whammy. So probably don’t refinance as often, or do if you want to lower your score. You do you.
If you file for some bullshit bankruptcy, foreclosure, or any thing that says you really suck at paying on time, you’ll lose good boy points.
If you have your identity stolen and some jack ass decides to open shit under your name, you’ll lose good boy points.
If you have your credit or credit cards or whatever, stolen, the more they use your credit without paying; the more you’ll lose good boy points.
You should really freeze your credit cards and file a notice to credit agencies if any of that happens (stolen credit or identity theft), but I’m not here to give you legit advice, so ignore that. (I know I will).
And the biggest thing that’ll probably fuck up your score, is the mishandling of sensitive information and data by data breaches. Tons of hackers everywhere like hacking data, like your emails, medical records, and social security numbers.
The Hackers even hacked the Credit reporting agencies, like Equifax in 2017.
So even the guys making up your made-up-number are also getting hammed out by hackers, which ends up hurting your made up number.
Welcome to the scam,
Also, Credit Bureaus also make human, clerical, or system errors that end up fucking up one in five people‘s credit scores.
Of course I am just parroting random shit I read off the internet, so it’s probably closer to one in one people’s credit scores are fucked up. But who tf knows.
Also, a Freeze might naw-t work;
Turns out, some hackers have found a way to ‘unfreeze’ or ‘thaw’ your account and your credit score.
This some how circumvents the checks and balances meaning that the Credit Bureau is mishandling your information, data, and privacy some how.
Which, I mean, if they generate imaginary fake numbers that were to ‘low ball you’, I would even argue that they are liable for lying and being libel. Definitely -maybe- lawsuit worthy, but I’m not allowed to practice Law since I stole that one dood’s ban hammer.
I mean, these judges wear black wizard robes and ban people into a concrete jungle, isn’t that what court is about?
Naw? oh well-
Also, the Credit bureaus apparently lie;
So, I mean, even the organizations overseeing the scam of credit scores are scammers and hook shmucks into hidden fees, subscriptions, and other scams.
Lmao, they were fined $23 milly for their fucking transgressions. What a scam.
That was in 2017, but here’s a post from 2020 to help remind you that the scammers (Credit Bureaus) are still at it;
So even your free credit reports, and whatever paid subscription, or credit (score) ‘InSuRAncE’ is not doing shit for you. They present you fake numbers because well, Credit scores are imaginary numbers anyway.
Credit scores as a Business
Now, it might sound new to you, but that’s because your level of degeneracy hasn’t surpassed MLMing your Children into debt slavery like I have.
So businesses have credit, and on paper, as long as the business looks good, then it’s good to go.
So There are plenty of stories, where a guy has shite credit. But he’s the CEO of some small LLC that has excellent credit.
And businesses generally get more money loaned to them than a personal loan.
So that means, that someone with a good business credit score could rent out a penthouse, buy a lambo, and do crazy dumb shit.
All the while taking luxury business deductions because living life is now a Tax writeoff as you are the company, employer, and employee.
I highly don’t recommend doing this, but it’s definitely an option.
Just know that if you have a business, then the finance bois will be judging and rating not only you, but your companies’ bottom line and credit worthiness.
So, Credit scores are still a scam, but you could get some hand jibbers if you own a business.
On a side note, if you run a business and you need to check someone’s credit. The credit bureaus will charge you money to check the score. So welcome to the other end of the scam.
Credit scores during Covid because fuck you
The Credit Score Cartel decided to fuck the scores of many people for various reasons.
You see, during the Covid thing of 2020, the Fed Bois passed the CARES ACT;
I’ll sum it up for you so you don’t have to read this block of text;
ACT says if you no pay-ey, then you score no go down-y.
But of course, the Credit Agencies didn’t do their part because they probably have an old Archaic software running on a small disabled hamster taped to a Linux run MacBook that some how is running Windows Millennium in Remote view. Maybe, Idk.
Point is, the Credit Cartel didn’t do their yob. Which is technically illegal, because it was a federal ACT that got passed. So. . .
So who gets fucked? You guessed it, comrade. WE GET FUKT. For Muther Faux(ck) Capitalism.
Oh well, it’s not like Credit scores being a scam is a bi-partisan issue;
Well, that’s the meat of things, here is a ‘lil somthin exxtra’
There is a scam called a ‘romance scam’ where someone will date you and maybe marry you for your name. Then they slap your name on a joint account and overleverage a bunch of credit lines. Basically Identity theft and dating combined.
Then eventually they divorce you, leave you at the altar, or something, and leave you footing the bill.
Typical Married happily ever after.
This is a legit thing, so be wary of those fake Brazilian Doctors with supposedly good money and from a dodgy background that any time you bring it up they redirect the conversation into gaslighting you. Lovely, true love.
You just need an identity and people can steal it, lmao, too easy.
Also, credit score systems are similar to social score systems, and In the Western society, we have a somewhat decentralized and informal system. We do have an informal social credit system. non-government sanctioned. If you have enough likes or followers, as an influencer, you can propel yourself to fortune by utilizing sponsors and such.
So start selling your booty pictures and amassing a ton of only fan subscribers, get into a scandal, and be rich.
Don’t worry, in the future we will probably have a social credit score share market exchange, where people can trade eachother’s ethos and character by betting against their reputation and futures. Imagine karma being commodified and traded like a casino, welcome to the 6th dimension of Karma Whoring intergalactic Exchange.
I mean, spiritually, we kind of are already doing that. . .
Looks like your spirit guides are gunna lose some of their points that they gambled on ya;
And then they gonna bet some more; like the degenerate gambler you is;
I mean, aren’t social ‘medium’ sites like Reddit just an interspatial web of inter(spatial)-dimensional beings just using avatars and anonyms to karma whore useless points like every other useless point system in the world? Lmao, too deep?
Perhaps a conversation for another time dear Siddhartha wanna-be.
(Don’t) Trust me, I sperg rant quite often;
The term “good boy points” Is a real term retail bankers and clerks use. I don’t give a shit if you want it to be gender neutral or whatever. I’m here on the front lines of my keyboard, warring over the facts. So the term is ‘good boy points’.
Well, Credit scores solved some problem years and years ago, what problem? I don’t fucking know, but now the credit score systems are archaic and arcane. Needs a rehaul and a revamp, but something non-Orwellian or dystopian please. I don’t want to lose good boy points because I like video games as an adult, let’s not copy pasta China’s system. Thanks.
Maybe we could go back to actually knowing people and having a community where we go by a first name basis? Like maybe not treat people as a number? You know, that whole “live in society” kind of thing? Idk, I’m just spitballin’ ideas like any smart kid sticking soap and paper to the ceiling in a bathroom making extra work for custodians because they’re actually dicks. Yea, like that.
Credit scores are imaginary numbers that show people’s History of payments, not their ability to pay.
Lmao, so if you paid 2k in rent a month, that doesn’t mean shit to your ability to afford 1.5k a month to pay a mortgage on top of PMI and other bullshit fees. At least, not under the current system.
That’s right, You can’t afford a home because your “CrEdIT iZ LoW” even though you can already make more than the payments.
The thought of “ I HaVE tO HaVe A GoOd CrEdIT ScOrE “ is marketed to you by the banks.
Which they (the Banky) do that to collect on interest against your future, sucking out potentiality and possibilities from the infinite future with usury rates and judgmental made up numbers, like a fucking energy vampire -ic capitalism. Cute. Real Cute.
I could dig this hole deeper and go into consumerism economies, buy I’ll save the fed talk and why Monetary Policy is a scam for later.
Anyways, Credit Scores, It’s a fucking scam,
Just treat me and my words like that drunk uncle no adult wants to talk about. I’m in the corner and I keeps telling kids what scams exist in the world and sumtin aboot da guberment at them local family reunions. Yea, totally not solid advice, but It’s coming from somewhere. Drunk Uncle Edu-ma-cation.
*Not Valid, Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice
Bonus Bone-us; Random Comments from outside peanut galleries to echo chamber the bias of a scam that is/are Credit Scores;
I didn’t include it in the main article but thought it was still mentioning, because I’m not the only smart idiot that can see through this. So here’s just some confirmation bias;