WTF is a Vulture Hedge Fund? . . . Are you making up words again?

Yes, yes I am, because I invented the No Safe Bets Dictionary and I can make up as many words as I fucking want. Quaaludes are back in baby.


Riddle me this asshole,

What’s better than Crime?

The Answer,

Organic cr-, I mean, Organized Crime

(Organized Crime is technically more efficient, for that universal entropy argument you might have)


Well, you see

Vulture Capitalism, is the practice of taking failing businesses and turning a profit through liquidating distressed assets.

Basically, buying someone broke like a REPO, and selling their shit like a garage sale

except it makes money.

Vulture Capitalism is totally normal and okay, UNTIL you intentionally tank a company and fail them.

When vultures pick at the flesh of living and non-failing companies, to subsequently make them fail, that’s totally unethical.

Alright, Hedge Funds

Hedge funds are just a pool of people and investors who have some money.

They typically just speculate the market and maybe hire a couple quants to do nerd math and figure out how to game the system.

And by gaming the system, Some hedge funds are evil and manipulate the market.

And manipulating the market is a no-no.

(Realistically, most “competitive” hedge funds manipulate the market, it’s just the Top Hedge Funds are the best cheaters. Think of it like Lance Armstrong, he was the best cheater out of like what, the top 40th place? Yea, some people are better at cheating than others.)

Introducing, the Star of the show:

These fucking sycophants are the scum of the Earth, this is why loving money gets a bad rep. Because I love money, and I’m not that much of a scum-bag as these guys.

All because some douchenozzles decide to provide net negatives to the economy to steal and pilfer from good prospective companies. You know, Like looting a dead corpse of someone who died because you murdered them, for their things of course.

They intentionally crash people’s 401ks and the economy of 2008. These fucks are the fucks that did 2008 in and your parents or grand parents 401ks in.

Hell, I don’t know what the status is in Greece, but I’m sure they’re still suffering from 2008, and that was like 30 years ago.

Amongst the destroying of companies, there was even companies that discovered cures for cancer!

And they got shorted to oblivion, so before you think it’s “Big Pharma’s” fault for not curing cancer, let’s blame these Vulture Hedge Funds (VHFs) first.

Give the Devil it’s due.

Because we could have literally the cure for cancer.

Alright, but what doo dey due doe?


They manipulate the media to post positive or negative news.

Give some positive press to give a little fluff of the Company’s ego before pulling out the rug from underneath.

The larger they are the harder they fuck, that sort of thing.

So they make the stock go up, then crash tf out of it.

After which, the VHFs will offer a ‘rescue loan’ to ‘save’ (buy up) the company.

Now the VHFs have two options, make the world a better place and make the company thrive, or short it into oblivion and make money.

Guess what, they picking option # 2.

Under the VHFs Terms and Conditions for their R3ScuE La0n, they get to install ‘agent provocateurs’ which will sabotage the company inside out. Like a fucking snake. Get someone on the board, some Malicious Lawyers, and a lying CEO to run the business into the ground.

Once they get the inside scoop that the business is running to the ground, the push out some bad press, bad media, scandals and also kill the stonk:

Naked shorting, counterfeit shares, phantom shares, Literal Securities fraud, whatever.

The point is, this Naked Shorting stuff is real. It happened in the 1600s, in 1901, 2008, and it’s happening now.

So they borrow (and print) a whole bunch of shares to sell, and make the company go bankrupt. If the company is bankrupt, guess who doesn’t have to pay back the shares they borrowed? That’s right VHFs.

They have many tricks

These fucks fuck, and not in the good way.

They will go out of their way to install inside agents at every level of the company, maybe it’s the Secretary, maybe it’s some random person. Who tf knows, it’s corporate warfare and the profit comes after death.

Hence the “Looting-Dead-Corpse-of-a-person-you-killed” analogy that I made earlier.

They might target your loved ones, your doctor, your whatever the fuck and make something happen.

Fuck, they even went to Jared (Your Wife’s 2nd Boyfriend)

You have to understand, they’re playing this game for billions upon billions. What’s the word, Trillions? Yea, that much.

How much is your life worth? Don’t know, look at the value of your ‘LiF3 EnSuRanCE policy’

Yea, to them, fucking chump change.

They also use off shore addresses and such to launder their money and remove their paper trail.

I mean, talk about Mossack Fonseca, amirite?

Also, they are actively FRAMING SUICIDE to their enemies.

Imagine that, they’re going out of their way to literally KILL you and then say it was a typical open-shut case of suicide.

These fucking losers can’t even play monopoly right without trying to fucking kill the opponent. I guess that’s how monopoly is usually played. What a weird fucking board game.

Victims of (possibly Naked) Short selling

I say possibly, because I don’t have definitive proof for all of them. Just a bunch of hunches and word of mouth. They were shorted, but proving naked shorting is a different story. But there is some evidence below to corroborate naked shorting as a real thing.

You can probably ask anyone that has ever been laid off unexpectedly with a failing company, and there is a good chance it was related to a short selling scandal. I’m talking about a good 2/3rds chance, because the short selling scandals take out Large Corporations with numerous employees.

So statistically speaking, there would be more people affected than if a small company lays people off. You know, math.

Or just ask anyone who lose their pension plans in 2008, you know, when they started putting shit investments in your 401k to consolidate risky portfolios, then fucking short to oblivion those companies that are now in your 401k. Yup, good bye money.

The above information was made up, but you can go ask people yourself, and if you do some digging you’ll find out the truth. Like a good old conspiracy theorist.

Here are some other victimes;

Ford Motors in 2006. I’d link the case but the lawyer and the records are scrubbed from the internet. When I mean scrubbed, I mean, the head lawyer in charge died. Foul play? Possibly; I think so. in 2005

Overstock went on to fund an anti naked short selling place called

Toys R Us


Eagle Tech Communications

They’re even attacking Canada

Lehman brothers and Bear Stearns technically

Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, you know, the thing that also lead into 2008 collapse

Viragen Inc. They were literally on the verge of curing cancer with high regression rates in clinical trials.

I can’t stress this enough. WE COULD HAVE HAD THE CURE FOR CANCER (probably)

Tesla, literally the best chance of fighting climate change. They are still shorting it to this day.

Game Stop, they took away Toys R Us, why not the next childhood thing? Yea, right in the childhood.

Most of anything Chinese made stonks, because I guess wallstreet hates China. Something Lead in the toys media manipulating stuff or failure to meet accounting standards. You know, low hanging fruit.

There’s hundreds and hundreds of companies that have been shorted to oblivion, you know, instead of shorting them to a reasonable valuation. Shorting a semi-bad company to Bankruptcy is a bit much, dontcha thunk?

Side note

I think the Asian Financial Crisis in 87 or whatever, where they floated the Thai Baht

I’m pretty sure the Hedge funds are behind that too,

Which ones? Idk.

But those guys are in bed with the IMF and the World Bank, and I’ll save that conspiracy for another time.

How do we stop it?

More truth and transparency,

Get shorts to report closer to Daily

We could outright ban shorting, but if there’s a will, there’s a way. And shorting is somewhat healthy, but this naked shorting needs to stop. Or atleast, the losers who naked short need to pay up, or go to jail, and not get a slap on the wrist.

Make the move towards T+0 and get stonks to be delivered day of, I mean Amazon can do next day shipping, why not stonks?

Make Hefty penalties for Failure-to-Deliver equal to a weighted distribution of Net Worth or something. I mean, you gotta admit, how can you be missing millions of shares? That’s ridiculous.

More crackdown and supervision with subsidiary private exchanges. We could implement new SEC policies that monitor the exchanges of ALL stonks that are publically listed in ALL places. You know, shining a light on Supplemental Liquidity pools, or Dark Pools.

Track heavily on HFTs and severely punish negligence. The bill should be worth way more than the crime. Or else they’ll keep breaking the law, again and again. If they can make billions a year from HFT manipulation, then a 20 million dollar fine IS ONLY INCENTIVIZING THE BREAKING OF THE LAW. Gotta have a punishment that fits the crime. Or Else I’d be robbing banks and not writing articles. on second thought. . .

Possibly implement a crypto exchange service that trades stonks and has accurate accountability with no falsifiable shares. This would also streamline the voting process because each token would have a vote that could be set. Exchanges would also collect a miners fee, so it would be in the exchanges’ best interest to get the stonk price value high. Much like option contracts bid-ask spreads.

Also the crypto exchange Idea would be a revolutionary advancement in technology. It would be akin to going from paper-routing to algorithmic routing for trades. So it’d be a big deal.

I don’t have all the answers buck-o, the world is a hot cake of a shit mess and these guys are scummy.

And that’s coming from me, lmao

Some Sources for those who want to dig into the rabbit hole:


Rolling Stones Article by the Famous Matt Taibbi

The Canada article mentioned earlier

This Large Explanation of how things work

This Reddit Post about MM’s privileges and other tactics

This SEC report on 2008 financial collapse:

In Closing

This isn’t a lie and idk man, the world’s a shitty place,

AAAaaaannd moving forward, you gotta make sure you don’t do things ‘out of spite’ or ‘to fuck someone over’ without measured control.

That whole karma thing, that’s real,

Try not being a net negative like these douche nozzles.

Deliver punishment with no hate, that sort of jazz.

Go join a temple or do some breathwork or a spin class, Just don’t let it eat you up

You came to this website, you’re not looking for hope, I won’t give that shit to you,

Unless your suicidal, then you should hope to work under me as a slave*

*Offer valid only on Tuesdays because the Cleaning lady has Mondays off and she doesn’t work over the weekend. Right, so yea Tuesdays. yea.

Regardless Cheers,

*Not Valid, Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice

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