A critique of Banking by me, an Uncultured Bohemian Swine

This is not an essay for purposes of a manifesto or some other retarded machinations of societal’s shadows, this is simply me talking shit. As all good shit talkers do. This shit-talk is going to start some preamble brambling out to a ramble about the American Banking system today, a post-modern critique.

And post modernism is shit, so this is obviously a shit critique.

This also doesn’t have everything that I want to say about banks, or bankies, or anything of the sort. This is merely another log in the toilet of shit-posts. It also more-or-less focuses a bit more on the American Side of things, because Murica. I mean, the things I can write about with regards to the multitude of banks doing dumb things, it would take my entire life to write. So, we’ll just breeze through the spark notes of this ramble.


Well, you see, the idea of a bank is to essentially be a storage of things. Things like cash, gold, valuables, and things of value. But, uh, we got pretty stupid along the way, so things aren’t even what they are supposed to be.

So, let’s go through some brief history of banking for no reason whatsoever.

This post is most likely going to be me, once again, dunking on the Federal Banking system monstrosity that we’ve created today. But, uh, we need to rewind time to -like- a few thousand years ago.

Banks how they used to work,

So, there were these guy that would hold on to your stuff and issue you an I.O.U. of your stuff, along with recording on their ledger or whatever they called it at the time. This way, whenever you wanted your stuff, you can get it back with your receipt, the I.O.U.

Banks had guards and security, and people generally trusted banks enough to store some random shit. In the 2000BCE times, banks collected a small ‘banking fee’ for everything stored with them. The ledgers were on clay tablets and people could read that shit.

Sometimes the banks were tied with the royal treasury and thereby making it a sort of National/Socialistic Banking system, where the security of their goods would be proportional to the health of the nation and not being ransacked or pillage. So it was in people’s best interests to, idk, keep their country in-tact.

Other times, and also the same time, the Temples would have banks. Temples had sort of a holy protection with em, it’d be wrong to rob the gods, so most people didn’t do it, unless they were Romans or Nazis or etc. Some Temples offered some money lending practices with Usury rates. The temples also ‘sold miracles’ and blessings. This of course, pissed off people like Jesus, and he went and flipped tables. Glorious.

I can’t help but respect a Man that Flips tables
Power move.

Anyways, around the Classical Era, Banks didn’t really fuck with loans. Banks were what banks did, which was store shit.

Then the Merchant Banks popped up;

A bunch of merchants with their desire for chanting about Mer (Mer comes from ‘Mercari’ meaning ‘trade’ hence Mer-Chant). These chanters did a number on the trade routes with the silk road and the silk and the roads. They amassed gold and financed a bunch of wars and started banks or some shit.

Idk, I’m not really a historian.

Fast forward, people started trading the receipts and I.O.Us as money notes. Thus invented modern banking, which means trading I.O.Us for shit. Hence the dollar notes and whatnot.

Then the Modern Banks had wars through actual wars and financed debt and acquisitions of other failing modern banks. The winning banks became a natural monopoly of sorts evolving them to the status of a Higher Bank, a Centralized and governing bank, a Central bank.

Loans are, in essence, a gamble staking one’s future for the price of today. And let me tell you, the best banks paid both sides of a war, thereby winning and playing the winning cards. All financed, of course.

Banks -> Merchant Banks -> Modern Banking -> Central Banks


Liquidity crisis of Great Depression; Central Banking regime

Fast-the-fuck-forward to early 1900s, a bunch of speculative gamblers were making their bones in the stock market. These Early Modern Proto-Degenerates took out loans, used margin, AND leveraged their gambles on pump and dumps and a racket-ran market.

It’s an important distinction to note; The Bank runs were not due (in whole) to the degenerative speculatory gamble of men from taking the shoe-shine boy’s stock tips, the bank runs were due to the insolvency of brokers and banks that got left holding the bag after larger financial institutions played them and ran away with the money.

A Bunch of Robber barons and brokers kept selling ‘their trust’ and ran away with the money, so the people who had shares couldn’t sell and were left holding the bag. Basically. This caused a bunch of bank runs and crashed the economy and all that, then America entered a war to convert the factories into bullet printers.

(There were also other agricultural fuck-shit, and other gambling that banks did which resulted in National Bank runs. )

We pulled ourselves out of the Depression with war and a ‘New Deal’ in the 1930s/40s and this resulted in the coming age of peace and ushered fertile grounds for a bureaucratic politicization-type of degeneracy;

“In 1952, the twenty-year moribund G.O.P. regained control of the political initiative and immediately eliminated all price, rent, interest, and wage controls. It also passed laws allowing insurance companies, savings banks, retirement funds, and all trust funds in general to invest in common stocks, preferred stocks, and corporate bonds.

This also brought about the formation of a myriad of investment-trust funds. It did not, however, allow the U.S. Government or any of the states, counties, or municipalities to invest the enormous Social Security automatically tax-collected individual worker’s funds or any other future-committed economic-responsibility funds to be invested in any other than its own U.S.A. Government, state, county, or municipality dollar-savings-accounts, whose purchasing equity was being ever depreciating by inflation.

-Grunch Of Giants

If we had more responsible people at the helm, we could’ve diversified the wealth and allow the upbringing of all of society, instead of a greedy few. Yea, so that government pension is pretty shit and often mismanaged by a stupid bankie.

So we got a bunch of degeneracy, and people went to war to pick ourselves out of our bootstraps. Yet we have trust issues and bank runs, so now what do we do?

The solution was Fractional reserve banking and fiat.

Anyways, the economy recovered and some banking reforms happened creating more central framework for banks. Because too many small banks were going under. And insert vague propaganda about selling bad pussy to the people because the Central Banking structure is retarded but ‘we need it’ when really we don’t.

Then we got a thing called FIAT where we went off the gold standard with Printing paper money not backed by anything.

Something about Bretton Woods and Bretton Woods 2 and the Germans breaking off to form the EU and subsequently the 4th Reich or something.

Oil, and petro dollar create intrinsic use of money. Having USD be the thing to trade oil with, gave the US dollar intrinsic value. Then after we realized we didn’t give a fuck, and lost control to the Oil Cartels, the US moved from an Oil Standard to a Debt Standard.

also, 1971 and 1973 happened

Go figure it out, lots of inequity happened around these times. People don’t know why, but there are a lot of fingers pointing left and right. Something about Nixon shock, Fiat, Bretton woods being dismantled, and a long list of other World Shattering shits;

WTF happened?

tldr; idk, but something happened.

1980s banking reform and derivatives

Fast forward, the economy is doing better for the rich and those invested in personal ventures. Markets are doing alright, and Asian markets and global markets are shitting the bed. It’s good to be an American, I guess.

There were more banking reforms, and we just forgot all about the great depression and robber barons or something. So now we became more degenerative by defanging the tooth and nails of the regulations that once kept us in check.

We allowed for a bunch of Derivatives to enter the markets, but what’s worse was we sanctioned the banks to invest in them. Which just means the banks gambled more.

So we weakened and over time, removed the Glass-Steagall Act which was put in place so that people weren’t going to be retarded. The Glass-Steagall Act essentially prevented investment banks and commercial banks from being the same bank. This was an act that was put into place in 1933, you know, a lesson learned from the Great Depression era.

(I mention this now, because you might forget with your attention span, so I didn’t want to assume. There, for the chronological questioners)

But obviously the Bankie lobbyists wanted degenerate gambling so the Bankies can hyper build their wealth. So we got rid of Glass-Steagall Act. Which allowed for the same banks that hold your cash, to also yeet that cash into the markets and gamble with it. All for a quick buck.

Does that sound like a win for the average consumer?

Turns out, those profits are not given to the clients. Like, at-all. So this is definitely the start of another reason for the wealth inequity we see today. The Savings rates, Money Market funds, and Savings certificates are shit tier in today’s age. Back then, you actually received a return of +10% for having saved in the bank, and now a-days you’ll be happy you almost beat (<1% interest) half of inflation (typically >2% ).

It is also worth to mention that the Federal Reserve cut a cake in celebration of the Repeal of the Glass-Steagall act. This means that the current monetary and fiscal policy makers/rulers are indeed fools;

Frostings (cake sauce)
Yay, let’s dance on the grave of an act that was made to protect us
surely we won’t need this protection ever again! Surely.
There’s so many reasons I hate life,
and this cake celebration only adds to my hatred.

I need my inner Jesus to manifest, because I would Flip the Fuck out of some tables.

History is going to repeat itself again, and judging by 2008, it already has. And if we don’t stop the degeneracy, then we’ll repeat 2008 but worse.

In the great foresight, our god-king-infallible Government and Federal Reserve printed money. Brrrrrr.

Who did it better?
J Pow or
Greenspan and Bernanke combo?

Now the new issue is ‘too much liquidity and not enough asset allocation’, whether it’s because there is not enough allocation or not enough assets. There’s enough money in the markets, people are just hoarding and hiding their wealth.

2008 happened

And we bailed out the banks, which was awful.

With Fractional reserve banking, we’ve put risk onto the government. The Government is the lender of the last resort. When you run out of money, you go to a bank or a payday loan. What happens if the bank runs out of money? They go to the government. As evidenced by 2008 crash and Bank Bail out.

“Over the years, we’ve been trained to believe that the Fed is on our side. What the Fed has trained us to believe is that if we make a bet in the market and we win, we’re on our own. We get to keep the profits. If we lose, they will bend every effort and every dollar they can get their hands on, one way or another, to bail us out. This is asymmetry of the most splendid kind.”

Jeremy Grantham

What is the US markets after we bailed out the banks for not hedging their bets and yoloing into leveraged positions? That’s right, the US markets are a;

“It is a no-lose casino.”

-Sheila Bair

We’ve shifted the risk from institutions to governments, so the institutions become something of risktakers yeeting their money like a rich preppy boy on daddy’s yacht.

All for some ample gains and further degeneracy and infinite leverage utilizing all sorts of fugazzi commercial papers and crypto-kitties.

All the QE does is fuel the addiction and if we suffer ‘Market withdrawals’ we have an economic ‘taper tantrum’ which means money printer go BRRRR;

Adding more money causes inflation in tandem with the goods and services. Cantillon effect. This is why money printer go BRR is bad.

My big issues with MMT and Fiat;

That Fiat values Debt

Which incentivizes creation of debt,
Banks can print debt just like central banks,
Fractional Reserve Banking is a thing,

The Bond Market isn’t secure enough to effectively gauge any Monetary Policy.

Therefore with or without MMT, we’d still be fucked.

And the alchemy; You can’t issue more debts and only pay back some. It isn’t going to work out in the long run, especially not for Banks. There’s this thing called equivalent exchange. . .

A problem for (from?) the Banks,

is that they use debt on their books as an asset instead of a liability.

So even if the DEBT itself isn’t profitable,
It at least pads the assets of a bank.

So imagine if your wealth is made by OWEING PEOPLE
Yea, that’s not going to be a good thing.

So we have banks technically running themselves into the ground
Using all sorts of Word Trickery to sell some swaps or some other Financial Entranched Derivative Bespoke to some unsavvy gambling degenerate, so that the Banks can unload that debt on some Over Exposed Sacrificial-Debt-Lamb.

Banks are essentially playing Hot potato with Debt, and the bomb goes off on someone else. Leaving some Mark’ed Shmuck holding the bag (which includes other banks).

It’s like a ‘bust out’ but with a hand grenade made of Financial Derivatives that explode in a jizz load of Debt.

This is part of the problem with the profit model of banking. You want to talk about Public companies with Negative Earnings Reports? Let’s take a closer look at banks instead.


The fact that banks have to LITERALLY STEAL from their ‘clients’ or ‘customers’ to pad their ‘investors’ or ‘real clients/customers’ only speaks volumes to how fucked the banking system is. Speaking of them literally stealing, let’s segue into the next section for proof;

Banks are literally stealing from their customers;

There’s plenty of Bankie theft in which banks literally steal from, their clients, other people, customers, small businesses, cartels, other banks, and even the federal government. So, there’s a lot here (and that’s not even including the violations and fines given to the banks for doing the wrong thing).

We have bastardized our banking system to a point where banks -well- don’t bank, and they use the funds they were entrusted with.

The Banks are just glorified Robber Barons whom are Sanctioned under the Pyramid Ponzi Scheme of the Central Banking infrastructure.

What a world indeed.

Arguably the cost of services done to extremis to a partial degree of financial bias is a pestifulous action that is akin if not related to stealing. What I mean is, banking fees are akin to stealing;

Banking Fees;

There’s a pandemic, and people don’t have money, so you’ll charge them for not having money;

Banks also charge for keeping your money;

They even charge you for not using or opening your account;

And even charge you extra if you’re broke;

“You ever get so broke that the bank starts charging you money for not having enough money?” -Louis CK

“I’m not being broke just to fuck with you”

You want to know how dumb the concept of modern Banks are?

Besides the fact that they don’t actually operate as a bank or a store of value,

Here is a list of Banks that are fined for billions of dollars due to illegal money operations;

Here is the source link, go ahead, look at the data, I don’t care.

So, about $300 Billion dollars in fines for some of the largest banks (since the year 2000), and that’s the fines. We all know that the take-home profits are way way bigger than the fines. Or else they wouldn’t have done the illegal deed for 6,825+ times. I mean, if you have a business model that makes more than the ‘gas fees’ of course you’d keep doing it.

We even had a cult of people celebrating the Reverse Repo amounts;


So, that debt as an asset and these Reverse Repo figures, it’s all connected my dood.

I’ll be honest, I don’t like banks. But I also, Don’t want to see Banks be retarded and Darwinistically Suicide themselves with Financial Holy-Hand Grenades. Because that death will be felt by the masses, and social losses.

Speaking of Suiciding themselves, these Banks don’t usually die.

Nope, they get a bail out, and they Rise from the Dead. Especially with the money Printer going BRRR.

We’ve puppeted and propped up the banks. Zombie banks. Now that we’ve bailed out the banks, what happens when the central bank becomes unprofitable and needs a bail out?

Who the fuck is going to bail out and zombify the Central Bank?

*stares at the average US Citizen*

Soooooooo, yeaaa…..

We’re kind of fucked.

The Banks are even complaining;

“Stop printing money you fucks.”
-The Banks, (basically) to the Central Bank (Fed reserve)

Because having all these large cash injections creates a demand for good assets, which the banks are going to have a really hard time finding in the logistics nightmare, covid era, social distancing, and fucked economy.

On top of all the large corporations not knowing how better to navigate through the financial risks of this impending time than to jack off in a corner as if it’s the end of the world. And by jack off in a corner, I mean they buy their own stock and do a bunch of buy backs with the stimulus money. Because why the fuck would you try to thrive when everyone else is struggling? That’s too risky for multi-billion dollar companies, instead, they buy their stock up and invest in themselves directly with monetary returns and not new innovative technology.

Like where is a good store of cash?

The Treasury Bonds and other Nation’s bonds are being devalued, and the interest rates (and yield rates) are near zero or negative. So even the banks are fucked with this ‘quantitative easing’. What, you’re going to buy Junk-National Bonds?

The fact that Junk can be used to express a Nation’s Bonds is telling of our future woes.

It’s to the point where there is a liquidity crises in most banks, but they’re not willing to admit it, so I’m just saying that there is a liquidity crises because that’s my opinion. If shit were to hit the fan, we’ll see real quick who the bag holders are, and who the next ‘Lehman Brothers’ is.

So the Banking system has now evolved into not banking;

Banks don’t hold onto your money, they spend it, lmao.

You can thank the repeal of the Glass-Steagall act for that.

On top of banks holding onto actual Junk Debt to pad their Assets, it’s a real clown world. What are these, Tether Chinese Commercial Papers?

And it’s pretty shit as people are realizing;

Which, if a Bank goes -Heaven Forbid- insolvent, and have a ‘bank failure’ then the FDIC is technically supposed to swoop in and settle it’s debts. Which usually means that the clients and things on the books gets bought out and acquired by another. . . Bank. . . Oversaw by the FDIC. . .

Just like how Lehman Bro’s got bought up or Merrill Lynch got Bought up, or any of these.

Yea, per our customs, Banks don’t go Bankrupt and file Chapter anything Bankruptcy. At least, I’ve never seen it happen.

Which, it’s pretty hard to go insolvent when you can fractionally print your own money and pad your assets with junk liabilities and shitty debt to fractionate/loan against as collateral. Pretty hard to fail, Not gonna lie.

(LIBOR is also a big issue, but a talk for another day)
Words from across the pond resonate true with the
Fugazzi Structure of our Banking system

The Banking system is broken, it’s great.

And more importantly;

The Banks are broke themselves,

Where are you gonna store your money?


In Closing;

The big take away from all of this is that Banks are not what the name implies. They no longer store or save your shit. They no longer have a profit model that makes banking worth a damn, because of the fractional reserve nature of their practices and also their degenerative speculatory gambles outweighing their risk-assessments. Which only takes a black swan event to completely topple.

We worship bank accounts, lmao

What a great society we live in

Can I get a Clown, upside down?

Gotta love them Bankie’s

But for real, the best advice I can give you is to find a Credit Union and get away from these vampire money lenders that literally profit off of their ‘clients’ with unscrupulous fees, theft, and debt-burden related finance-cial suicidal programs.

Yea, if you don’t know what a Credit Union is, then you’re welcome. Because you’d obviously thank me for showing you something beautiful. Not all of them are good, but I’m sure some of them are good, and most of them are better than banks.

*Praying noises in the background “Forgive them lord, for they know not what a Credit Union is.”*

And if you’re retarded enough to think this Bankie situation is due to Capitalism, then you’re a retard. This is due to retarded Government ineptness and degenerative lobbying interests, things that are not exclusive to ‘Capitalism’ or any ism for that nature. I hate when people boil complex scenarios down to retarded ideologies and ‘-isms’. So Feck off you.

Look, I don’t mind finance and the greed of making money. Fuck, I’m hella greedy. But it’s blatantly obvious that banks are shit at making money if they have to steal from their own clients. If I had my own way, power, and banking infrastructure, I would definitely make way more money than these retarded overleveraged banks do, and it would be through very legal means and you won’t hear 6,000 ethics complaints or fines either.

What I’m saying is, there is a very tenable path of redemption and good business practices in this clown world, it requires honesty and trust and a verifiable ledger made financially codified for many people in a way that allows local autonomous populations to govern and run themselves. Because a Bottom up approach is what will reform, revolutionize, and innovate this Clown ass System. We just have to start facing truth and deal with real numbers.

And we have millions more pestifulous problems that ail us besides this financial authoritarian banking regime,

But until I stop being broke,

Tough luck, No Safe Bets and all that jazz,

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice

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