Brief history on ‘so the tables have turned’ or ‘turned tables’ aphorismic expression. You see, back in the day, when people lived in humble one room houses, people had wooden tables that had a cutting or work side and a ‘nice side’. Whenever you had to cut meat, work on shit, do other dumb shit, you would do it on the rough side of the table. When you have guests, you would give them the nice side of the table.
So when you give the guests the shitty side of the table, it’s basically saying ‘fuck you’ but with wood and disrespect.
Of course, there are other origin stories, like switching board games, and also conversing with different parts of the table, essentially ‘turning your back’ from one side to the other. But, uh, these stories are all the necessary things you need for a degenerate gamble. That’s right, pure speculation.
So, there’s this subreddit called r/antiwork that has been gaining traction, something about classism, something about not-classism, something about being against work, and something about being against treated like a slave-dog-mutt-sub-squirrel thing.
And there’s this cool post that brought some great reflective questions for people with balls to bring to job interviews;
The comments have developed into producing a counter culture of the professional setting. Why not ask real probing questions to the same third degreeing that interviewers give? Perhaps this will further the momentum on bringing big balls to a job interview to better empower the working ‘class’.
Go in like this;
And come out with promotions with this sort of Big-Dick Energy;
Here are some of the many interview questions that people pose in that thread;
Why is this position open?
Why do most of the people that leave your company end up leaving?
What is something about your company you are trying to improve? followed by
What’s the biggest barrier to that improvement?
Why is this position not being filled from the inside?
How much is the starting salary/hourly, and what is the promotion and raise schedule?
What’s your favorite part of working here?
What is the culture around taking the vacation days I earn?
You’ve worked here how long? So you’ve gotten to know what to expect in how the company treats you, is that very different from what you expected when you started? Did you have any major surprises? Do they seem pretty fair around here?
Here is my contribution to the list above, because why would you want some idiot to just tell you something another idiot experiences without adding their own shit-stain veneer perspective on things?
What can your company do for me?
Have you ever stole anything from this company? Why or why not?
Do you always carry your resignation letter on you? Why or why not?
Do you guys have partial life insurance for death by PowerPoint? Why or why not?
So How much embezzling does the C suite execs do? And when can I get in on it?
When was your last promotion and when is my next one?
You know resumes are not official, legal documents, so I’m technically lying on my resume to get this shit job? Did you know that this one isn’t a joke, but a granule of shit advice in the sea of shit jokes and probing self-reflective questions? Did you know, dear Reader?
When’s the last time a coworker died here, and what was the culture like? A good follow up is,
Did you attend their funeral? Did you atleast put the ‘Fun’ in Funeral?
How many times a month do you think about suicide? On average, just looking for a number.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how serial-killer-grindset would you say the average employee here has? See, I’m high caliber psycho AND sociopath, so I want to make sure I’m in a pride of lions and not a herd of sheep if you know what I mean.
How often do coworkers bang eachother? And do they mostly do this on or off the clock? Serious question, seeing as I’m looking for a workplace-benefit to be beneficially comparable to my friends-with-benefits.
How big is your HR department? I want to know how many people I’ll have to fight in a tournament like Mortal Kombat style in email chains-of-death before I get to take my Paid Time Off or if I have Pay Issues.
How often do employees ration their meals, and is there a dick-goblin that steals other people’s food in the communal fridge? I need to know if I am justified in my next murder ever since the oopsie with my last one.
Who do I get to yell at, my boss or the customers? I just need to make sure I’m not getting yelled at like a vice grip, you know, top and bottom approach. . . Or else, I’mma do like a post office worker and show this place my 37 page manifesto if you know what I mean.
So let me get this straight, If I don’t kill anyone, I get to work here? Then how do I get a promotion to Boss when we can’t fight for dominance?
Why do you choose to work here? If your answer isn’t Money, then why or why not?
Why? Just Why? No you can’t answer with a ‘Why what?’ I’m asking the questions now, it’s no fun if you don’t play this game fair. It’s my turn.
Hey, since I am putting a lot of personal information on this Resume and cover letter, I think it would be fair to also get a copy of yours. That way if you commit Identity theft, I also have something of yours as collateral. That wasn’t a question, that was a demand.
Hey, this black couch that I’m sitting on, looks awfully familiar. . .Is recording interviews really a thing?
Can I see your accounting books? I just want to do an audit to ensure that my compensation package is comparable to the overall movement of the business…. I’m also going to report you guys to the IRS for money, so make sure the books are good and cooked well-done preferably.
If you want real-shit advice,
It’s to always give 70%
When I say ‘always give’ I mean max. Like don’t pull more than 70% for most any scenario. If you can’t do it with wiggle room and chill, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all.
After spending 70% ish of effort, you should spend the remaining 30% on yourself or other opportunities or how to be more lazy by being more efficient for yourself and for your health.
The goal is to efficiently progress your work to eventually require an input of 1% or virtually near 0%.
That’s how you truly accomplish anti-work.
Or you can stop being a Scab-Cancer on society and Join the union of Non-Working Capital Class Today!
Just stop being poor,
*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice
If you have other great Anti-Interview questions, feel free to comment down below and help collaborate a spread of shit-ideas over the walls. It reminds me of this one time in Japan when someone had to take a shit but was shit-faced drunk and got locked out of his hotel room when he thought he was entering the bathroom. Anyways, the walls got a fresh new paintjob.