Suez Canal Conspiracy for idiots like me

Alright, let’s talk conspiracy theories because I love two things and both of those aren’t Conspiracy theories.

You might be thinking ‘wut’ and you’re right!

Wut is the question and the question is wut the fuck is going on?


Alright, Recap; no cap

There’s this thing called the Suez Canal built longer than 10 years ago.

It cuts through Egypt and uses water and channels to change height levels to connect the two seas. Something science.

It’s basically a modern marvel that allows fast and cheap trade to go to a fro this part of the world.

You see, this is how we used to transport tribute to the European Colonizers, and American Colonizers:

With the Suez Canal, we make it like a short cut that everyone uses, so instead we can just skip all that round-about stuff:

Really great for globalism and global trade.

It’s like a water highway short cut to the nearest booze store, really good, fast, and dirty. Wait, we’re talking highways right?

Whatever, point is, a lot of people stick their boats in and out of this canal, and it gets used often.


Then this Dingus

Some dingus got C-anal blocked and stuck their boat sideways on Tuesday March 23rd, 2021 (for those who care about dates because you got ghosted on your last one).

lmao, wut?

Like how the fuck?

This resulted in a stand still of shipping freighters waiting in line and billions of dollars lost.

A conglomerate of Cargo Freighters waiting their turn to go in the cANAL. It stretches for miles and miles in both directions.

They got really stuck, I mean really stuck.

Don’t worry, we’ve got one lonely construction vehicle that is going to push something fifty times it’s size and weight away.

Don’t worry, F = Em Ayyyy, It’s Fysicks

So we went from having really nice things to not having nice things, going back to the ‘old’ trade route of Africa.


Alright, but where’s the conspiracy?

Well, you’re asking the “spoon fed” question.

That’s why you are stuck in your third dimensional-ass body. Because you don’t want to learn to play 5D chess against Russians (Because Ruskies are -like- genetically modified to be good at chess).

So, instead of asking:

You should instead ask:

(Picture of me, colorized 2077s BCE, basically)

So where is all the trade being rerouted to?

South Africa and Sri Lanka.

Who built a billion dollar port and had it REPO’d for debt in Sri Lanka? China.

So Who is profiting from all this shipment moving through Sri Lanka owned by China funded by China and was built by paying China indirectly using a Chinese Subsidiary construction company operating out of India through Chinese Deals?


Oil companies!

That’s right, you guessed it, oil companies. (just ignore the crude oil prices atm, they are just a little lagging behind)

All that extra travel that the boats and ships had to make around Africa, that means more oil.

So expect oil prices and commodities to reflect that. (But also don’t because you never know when the crude oil could be worth negative dollars)

Regardless, I don’t know if foul play was involved in this Suez incident, I mean, it’s rather (in)convenient, isn’t it?

Hey, at least Globalistan is getting a kick in the ass from realizing how fragile our transportation system is by adding month delays to everything. Glad business is going great in a globalized economy. Yep, totally self sufficient.

UPDATE 3/27/2021

Some people are gonna play the oil tanker through some options chains.

Told ya so,

UPDATE 3/29/2021

It got unstuck, congratz!


In Closing

This is all a shit post, (like life)

It’s a conjecture,

I don’t really believe any of it, (also, like life)

But If I get suicided, then that means all of my conspiracy shit-posts that I don’t believe in get validated. Which means I should have believed in them.

Fuck, even “not believing conspiracies” aren’t a safe bet anymore. . . I guess we should believe all Wo- I mean Conspiracies. Believe all conspiracies no matter wut! Safe bet, can’t go tits up.

Well atleast you can dress up like a global trillion dollar disaster next christmas:

Until the next unforeseen disaster making life more intriguing in the 21st Century, cheers and all of this is;

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice

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