WTF are Taxes?

Taxes are a beautiful thing. It’s like when a Man and a Woman like each other, except with money.

By ‘Man and a Woman’, I mean Government.

And by ‘like each other’ I mean ‘take from your pocket’.

Taxes are a fee, levy, or a toll that you pay for living in a society and enjoying the healthy existence of big government. We used to call it a tribute to the lord or whatever back in the fiefdom ages of Knights and not-guns.

Today there are so many taxes, that we can only illustrate them through these dank memes in slideshow format.

Sometimes the Government is crafty, and they decide to call the Tax something else. You know, like a registration or a license fee.

Too many words? Well these memes gotchu:

Taxes are good

Taxes are, as we call them, a necessary good (Like necessary evil but good).

You see, the Government collects taxes to help fund useful things that are good for the average idiot like you and I.

They’ll say that they need to raise taxes to help fix roads, or other thing-that-you-might-remotely-care-about. Then the government, in government fashion, proceeds to not use the money for those stupid things, because you care about the wrong things.

With profound wisdom, the Government uses the money for better things.

Better things like Schools, libraries, Fire fighters, Cops, creating drugs, the war on drugs, supplying drugs to have a war on drugs, hiring people to fight the war on drugs, paying mercenaries to fight proxy wars, paying governments to fight the mercenaries we just paid, recruiting impressionable 18-year olds to go fight a war that isn’t Congressionally approved, and spreading what we falsely call Democracy.

We’ve studied moral philosophy for all of 2 minutes, so Taxes are definitely good.

Not only that, but the tax monies go to Politicians that work for you and I to raise their salary and make policies that ruin the economy, so that way you see options like Crime and Joining the military as more viable and smart. Now you’ve got to raise taxes to fight crime and pay for the soldiers.

Bonus points, Taxes gives voters like you more incentives to elect people who propose to ‘fix’ the problem that they created. A beautiful cycle, like the lifespan of a butterfly or free money.

It’s a beautiful thing.

In Closing

You see, Big Government is like a brother, helping us out.

That’s why taxes are great, and democracy is real.

Stay tuned if you would like a satirical article on the metaphysics of taxes and its true purpose.

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any advice.

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