What the French Fucking toast is ROI?

Well, ROI is an acronym. It has three letters, an “R”, an “O”, and an “I”.

In fact, people use ROI in sentences and sometimes throughout their life in financial situations. The amount of useless nonsense you could talk about with regards to ROI is endless.

Enough big talk, ROI is short for Return On Investment.

Basically it is a measure of how much you’re getting out of something. Similar to a risk vs. reward, or a cost-analysis. Generally ROI’s are measured in percentages for yield or returns.

Say, I invest 100 dollars into a company. The company does well and my 100 hundred dollars turns into 120 dollars at the end of the year. My investment made me 20 dollars, or a 20% return on my investment.

(What you get) minus (What you put in) and then divided by (What you put in) is ROI

(120 – 100) / 100 = 20%

Thus that investment yielded a 20% ROI.

Not just ROI

ROI is not only measured in percentages. It is a way for people to game the system. Study any human behavioral psychology?

Turns out, studies show that if you’re not a Dick or an Asshole, people like to work with you.

You see, you might have to pay something or sacrifice something in exchange for another favor in the future. A tit-for-tat or quid pro quo situation.

Let’s say you’re driving to go buy a truck and you see a guy stranded on the side of the road. He has a flat tire. You go ahead and help replace his tire and he thanks you, says his name is Jim.

Later you come find out that Jim works for the car dealership that you’re going to. What a surprise! He hooks you up with a great deal on a truck with all the bells and whistles. Everyone wins.

Fast forward, you know Jim as the guy who got you an Amazing truck for a great deal. Jim knows you as the good person who helped him out when he got a Flat.

After a hard day’s work, you head on down to the bar, a dive of a place. Coming through the bar doors, you spill’t someone’s beer or something. A man tall and dressed as a lumberjack, looks at you fierce, says you “owe him a drink”. You’re in a sticky sich-e-a-shon.

Well turns out, Jim is there in the shadows with his biker gang. Jim says “you don’t owe him shit” as his posse all fix their gaze on lumberjack. Lumberjack backs down, and doesn’t want all that trouble.

Knowing the whole ROI thing, you tell Jim, “it’s alright, I owe this man a beer” and buy him a beer. Lumberjack’s got a name, it’s Dennis.

Now you’re friends with Dennis and Jim and his gang of bikers. In the future, Dennis will probably be more inclined to help you. Everyone wins again!

Basically, if you’re not a narcissistic self-centered douche then you could invest your TIME and ENERGY into other people. With the hope that they might do the same for you in the future.

Tip: If you’re busy fighting people, you’re not busy getting rich.

Unless you’re in MMA or something

Best ROI

The best investment for the highest ROI is with you all along, and you know it.

The answer is inside you.

In fact, it is you.

Think about it. All the bad shit that ever happened in your life, who was there? That’s right, you were.

If you weren’t there, then that’s also your fault.

9/11, your fault.

World War 2, why weren’t you there? You weren’t born? Excuses. Your fault.

You see, you are, in math terms, the common denominator.

You gotta be “at cause” and make yourself accountable.

Let’s say you’re a boy and can’t find a nice girl. Every girl keeps rejecting you.

Is it because all girls are mean and vicious? Or is it because you suck?

If all girls hate you, the problem nine-times-out-of-ten, is probably not all girls.

It’s because you suck.

Take a look in the mirror, the problem is probably you.

So if you invest in yourself, then hopefully you won’t be a shitty person. Thus leading you to the fame and fortune that you seek.

Most rich people and aspiring **Godzillionaires read books and stay on the cutting edge of innovation and work. This helps them increase their intellect and expand their perspectives to better adapt to situations and challenges.

So go ahead and invest in yourself to increase your intellect, your physique, and your emotional and spiritual self. Try not to be a Dick.

Spend that time and energy in a book, or doing push ups. Or not being a Dick.

You don’t need to spend money to invest in yourself. So the ROI is near infinity.

Zero dollars in, infinite returns.

In Closing

Well, that’s what ROI is. Hopefully that gives you a better understanding on this whole ‘returns’ thing. Oh, and don’t be a Dick.

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice.

**Not actually a real word, but we coined it, so it is now.

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