Self Help is a Scam

Before you know it, you’re fifteen hours deep into a Jordan Joe Brogan Tate podcast or a Conjuress Goddess subscribed Only Fans. And you’re thinking to yourself- There’s more to this ‘life’ shit than I got. I gotta help myself out to this shit, it’s some good shit. As if it were pigs in a blanket at a buffet table engorging yourself on life.

The point of self help being a scam is, you’ll see the truth in everything.

Before you know it, you’ll be diving Elbow deep into some Holy Texts or Biblical or Abrahamic or Snorting some Plant Medicine from a Healer from this obscure medicine tribe you’ve never knew existed in a remote jungle untouched by Colonizers until -well- you discovered them.

And then you’re finding all of these wisdom and nuggets in all of the things in all of life. Yes, I mean in ALL of the Things in ALL of Life. I’m talking about that McDonald’s wrapper you threw on the ground when you were seven years old, that somehow taught your current self a valuable lesson in self help and growth and evolution or whatever you littering piece of shit.

Before you know it, you find self help reading a National Geographic Novel because the way they described the Cliffs and Edges reminded you of some time you hiked a shitty mountain in Tibet and recited a bunch of Confuscianist proverbs as you recant the Preachings of the Popes cross referenced with the Dalla Llama. Post and pre schism.

Point is, you’ll eventually see self help in everything.

And you get to three conclusions.

  1. You die. Shitty but that’s one conclusion if all you ever do is masterbate your mind on self help. Mental Masterbation kills you. Masterbation might not make you blind, but mental masterbation might make you blind to reality.
  2. You realize you should help other people. And you start doing shit to help other people help themselves. Because let’s face it, no one wants help or change if they themselves don’t want nor ask for help or change. That’s a fact. All you can do is offer compassion.
  3. You become enlightened that all self help is helping the self into doing Jack Shit. Because you probably read all the religious texts enough to cross the dots and dot your Tees or some shit. You’ve attained Nirvana within and realize there’s no fucking problem and nothing needs to be done. There is No where to go, nothing to do, and nothing to happen. . . And you go back to doing it anyway, because what the fuck.

Chop Wood, Carry Water.

What a life, what a scam.

And you’ll probably die anyway. I won’t bet on it, because, well, No Safe Bets. Amirite?

In Closing,

This was an unhinged rant, I have no emotional attachments whatsoever. But if you buy into option three, then you fall into spiritual bypassing. Which, is like, a thing. But, I mean, it is what it is.

You do you boo.

If you fall into option 2, then you perpetuate the Pyramid Ponzi Scheme of Self Help.

Which, again, I’m not opposed. You do you boo.

If you do any of those, chances are, you’ll die anyways.

But uh, No Safe Bets.

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice


Jokes aside, you should probably do option 2 because option 1 is guaranteed, and too many retards keep trying to find option 3 and dismissing it EVERY FUCKING TIME when they realize it. It’s like they’re asking for water and you pour rain on them and they’re like, ‘no it’s gotta fit in this cup’ and you’re like “what the fuck. WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR MAGIC FUCKING CUP” and these retards are like ‘I haven’t made it yet but I still want the water’. Some Saints have so much compassion because the pimp hand in me, ongod.

Anyways, option 2 is the best option to progress the self help pyramid of life, the good old ponzi scheme.

Keep at it boys, slave away and make this grinding wheel turn!!!

On the bright side, it doesn’t have to fucking suck, just find inner peace option 3 and then have fun doing option 1 or 2. Duh.

And theoretically for those who are more unhinged than I am, there is some greater shit at play in the world. Spiritually, Etherically, Astrally, etc. etc. But arguably that’s also just more shit to sell you and label it different to sell as Downloadable Content to your life as if your next steps are sold ‘ala cart’ instead of with the full meal of your being and existence.

Idk, I’m not going to be the Next Adolf Hitler in this life time. No Thanks fam. No Final Solution here, just unhinged ranting about scams and shit.

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