Toilet Paper is a Scam

That thing from China;

No, literally, it came from China;

Also, as a side note, Saint Germain is an O.G. Say hi if you ever get to meet him.

America has a weird tradition of just wiping their ass with toilet paper. It’s not uniquely American, but just like not standardizing the metric system, it seems America likes doing things the old way.

Hell, some countries even ban the use of toilet paper from going in their sewers.

And a lot of products that says ‘flushable’ are ‘able to be flushed’ but doesn’t mean that they should be flushed.

Anyways, I don’t know the specific Comedian, but there was a joke out there where one guy was like ‘dry wiping shit is weird’. And he explained how other countries have a bidet and spray water to atleast wet the ass before you wipe it. The punchline was something like “If I got shit all over my hands, I wouldn’t dry wipe it and call it good enough“.

And you know, he’s right. If you had shit all over your face, the bare minimum is soap and water. Paper and drying supplies are an afterthought. So, why are we dry wiping our fecal matter?

In 2020,

We had a ‘toilet paper’ scarcity shortage for some reason and people bought a fuck ton of toilet paper.

It was such a lucrative market at the time, that generic offbrands started, some major brands started cheaping out and producing more quantity over quality, and some larger brands decided to host Radio advertisements in aggressive radio campaigns.

Yea, so the business was booming, so much so that I’d hear about it on the local radio.

Which made me question, these brands advertise every so often and get their message out. Why don’t they advertise a bunch?

As it turns out, the Toilet Paper industry is a Sleeping Behemoth of Gluttony in American Capitalism that just lingers and grows. Much like the one of many Apex Lovecraftian Leviathans lurking in the deep of the cosmic Meta corporeal horrors of modern institutions and invisible giants. Point is, Toilet paper industry doesn’t advertise simply because they don’t need to.

I mean, Chinese food doesn’t have an ad yet people still buy and eat their food.

There’s actually a lot of money in toilet paper;

Here’s south park with a clip about the industry itself;

How big is the toilet paper industry?

In the United state; about 16 billy

In the world; about 100 billy

And no one in the toilet paper world wants to switch to not-toilet-paper. So they advertise against and suppress any ideas of using not-toilet-paper. That’s probably why I can’t find the comedian talking about toilet paper. Probably shadow banned.

So what are some options? Well-

You Could use a bidet;

I don’t give much of a shit, so here’s a tiktok explaining it;


#stitch with @debtcollective @Lil Helper @Lil Helper toilet paper is probably the easiest thing to ditch and never buy ever again. Most of the population of the world has been using water to clean their bums up until 100 years ago when corporations started pushing toilet paper up our bums. Nothing cleans your bum like a water sprayer. Attaching a diaper sprayer or bidet Thales little to no time and can save you hundreds of dollars and bless you with a clean bum. #toiletpaper #toiletpapercrisis #toiletpapershortage #toiletpapermoney #greenliving #sustainableliving #sustainablelifestyle #wastefree #wastefreebathroom #bidet #bidetislife #bidetinstallation #bidetchallenge #lilhelpertiktok

♬ Pieces (Solo Piano Version) – Danilo Stankovic

So instead of Toilet Paper, you could opt out with hoses of water or some other tech, like in other countries such as every other developed country. But also, consider that people who use a Bidet also use Toilet paper or cloth. The whole wet-and-then-dry approach.

So even if you go bidet, you end up either using toilet paper or reusable cloths as mentioned in the video above.

If you use reusable cloth, you also save money. For what it’s worth.

You could use wet wipes, but that would require you spending money and possibly flushing it down the toilet where you can’t (or shouldn’t) always do that. Because not all flushable stuff actually breaks down in the sewage. You’d be essentially fucking up the public plumbing system, that sort of makes you a terrorist. Yea, flushing things you shouldn’t is like poisoning the water supply or atleast adjacent to ruining public infrastructure.

Toilet Paper is the cheapest option to buy and it’s also the cheapest to make. Cheapest to make, means easiest to mass produce for cheap and thus more profit margins. So that’s why we’re all in a state of toilet paper dependency that benefits the Toilet Paper companies.

A bidet greatly cuts into the toilet paper usage and results in people not using as much toilet paper, or any at all. So obviously the Toilet Paper companies don’t want wide acceptance of Bidets and such.

You could even go conspiratory and believe for a fact that the Toilet Paper companies lobby and campaign (market) against bidet acceptance and the cultural shift. They could meet in these clandestine settings called ‘business meetings’ and talk conspiracy during their ‘quarterly reports’.

Lmao, any idiot who doesn’t believe in conspiracy theories is far too dumb to understand business meetings.

The Scammy part?

It’s not that toilet paper is a multi-billion dollar industry that no one questions and the various technologies and bidets can’t hydro-penetrate the American market. No, the scammy part is that the actual use of toilet paper by itself has various studies that link it to unsanitary health and anal fissures.

Meaning toilet paper is detrimental to health and sanitation compared to other methods.

So you could literally be ‘wiping too hard’ and result in anal fissures. Which means cracks in your ass which results in blood, and now you got feces near your blood opened wound resulting in infection and all sorts of unsanitary shit.

Some people Get Hemorrhoids and that could be linked to toilet paper use.

In fact, America has all sorts of degeneracy. People Sodomize and do butt stuff. Scat too. Mixing Fecal matter and STDs in the mix and then not properly cleaning up afterwards, is a bit -idk- fucked? Pink eye? Shit stains? You sleep in a pile of your filth? Seems like a simple toilet paper wipe isn’t enough to properly clean or prepare yourself for the type of degeneracy that modern people entertain. (Source; I’m an American)

Also, a good chunk of consumers don’t give a shit about the thing that wipes their shit. So many people buy White Toilet paper because White is viewed as clean and it also helps see shit. Kinda hard to see shit on brown paper.

But, uh, white toilet paper is typically Bleached. Unless it specifically and explicitly says non-bleached. So people are rubbing Bleach on their assholes. Their assholes have very absorbent pores that allows chemicals to seep into their blood.

So we’re essentially microdosing Bleach and Chlorine Poisoning when we wipe our assholes with Bleached Toilet Paper. Poisoning our blood with both Chlorine and Shit and somehow the Chlorine isn’t helping at all clean the shit. It’s the worst outcome. A Total scam.

There is also philosophy behind toilet structures as well.

Here’s a Tiktok, Because just like Toilet Paper, China invents some good shit (TikTok). This vid goes into the different Toilet structures of the world and their reflection of society;

As you may not know, there is a reflection of the subconscious parts of society and the collective unconscious reflected in every individual and that may manifest behind closed doors and privacy. Such closed doors are like that of the bathroom door.

So yes, there is real psychology and cause-and-effect with toilet structures and the reflection of man.

I personally, Like shitting in a hole that doesn’t smell. I also don’t think toilets are designed to alleviate the bowl as it restricts the intestines. The Polish or Eastern Bloc Squat position, the Groc Squat, or literally any Far East Asian country can attest. You shit in a shit squatting stance. Western toilets aren’t designed for that for whatever reason, so it ends up pinching the colon. You want to try shitting through a pinched colon? Chances are, you probably been potty ‘trained’, ‘conditioned’, and ‘indoctrinated’ to use toilets like that.

Big Toilet, getting the kids while they’re young with potty training. All while Big Diaper tricks the Parents when they’re old and naive with disposable diapers.

If we were to take this pet theory of philosophy further,

Then we could reasonably extrapolate that high tech toilets would lead to an Orwellian surveillance capitalism. It’s the obvious natural conclusion. duh.

Art by Ai because fuck you

I Don’t know about you, but I don’t want a High Tech toilet snapping pictures of my asshole to make sure all the brown spots got removed. They’ll use ‘dirt spotting’ imaging or some shit to wash literal shit from your shit. That’s shitty.

I imagine for the darker toned and melanated brothers, they will probably get ‘white washed’ by the Jet stream pressure washer. It would look something like a Racist Chinese commercial;

Imagine this but with a Toilet instead of a washing machine

Point is, I don’t want Computer Captured ‘selfies’ to be ‘nudes’ of my ‘taint’. I don’t know, call me Amish or a Luddite or Old Fashioned. It seems like ‘that path will lead us’ down a road of super Dystopian Cyber Punk Corpo vibe where every shit and urine function and bowel movement is tracked by smart chips and you have to pay for ‘gas relief’ because of social climate credit scores or some bullshit.

Point is, High-Tech-Toilets means Low-Shit-Life. Hi-Tek Lo-Lyfe but with toilets and shit.

So, you either bite the bullet and stick to the lo-tech scam of Toilet paper and possibly bleaching your asshole, or you upgrade and become a SMART-Technology slave to your fucking toilet. Imagine having a toilet that you shit in as an Overlord. Fuck, maybe our entire plumbing system is actually the harvesting system to extract valuable shit from our bodies and that humans are farmed for their shit.

I’m joking, obviously, but also –why does North Korea collect Human Shit and make it a crime to not give the state your literal shit?

I joke about a lot of shit, but Fertilizer is like a thing;

If you think Big Toilet and Big Toilet Paper is bad, wait until I uncover the shit that’s backed up in our plumbing system. Big Plumbing. But -maybe on second thought- you might not be ready for a discussion of the Plumbing system and Human Chattel livingry.

In Closing,

The best way to avoid the scam of Lo-Tech or Hi-Tech subjugation by the bathroom is simply to reach enlightenment and attain godhood status. You literally shit less. I have no idea why, it’s probably because you don’t need to eat as much, or you’re more efficient, or something. But if you shit less, then you won’t have to use the toilet, which means you cut down on toilet paper usage.

In fact, Papa New Guinea had a tribe a of indigenous people that thought Colonizer White men were gods until they discovered that the White man also had to shit. They literally thought they were gods because they didn’t shit.

And, in theory, the stories and analogs of St. Germain depicted a man who need not eat and lived for a very very long time (and was fun at dinner parties). So logically, IF he did not eat, then he probably didn’t shit. So he, of all people, didn’t actually need toilet paper -despite him being depicted as such in a future Animation.

I’m not a chick, so I don’t know how to reduce your urinal movements, I suggest sanitary wet wipes and throw them away? Might as well with the pads and shit.

Also, if you haven’t tried it for a bit. Try logging your logs, like record the time and date and rough description of your stool sample and reconcile that with what you eat. Did you know, you can actually read your poop to determine gut health? There’s real medicine behind this. There’s also Scatology, in which you literally read your shit to determine the future. It’s divination.

And all of this is due course, because this is a shit post. You’re welcome.

Simply, Toilet Paper is a scam -But I’m not gonna thumb it like a cartoon character voiced by Charlie Murphy;

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice

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