In the small suburbia of shit-hole-mageddon, America, there lives a modest mouse as he wakes up in the midday.
Every noon, Jonald Try-den wakes up and stumbles to the bathroom, before missing the toilet with the first three shots of his AR-rifle-dick (proper scientific nomenclature) until realizing the sound of dropping water is what he was aiming for.
Like Jonald, he’s your typical American, who hates politics and anything political; pandemically-locked in his shitty 2 bedroom apartment-townhome, that doubles as storage because he lives by himself. Jonald has to surf the web of shitty political ads and dumb content, that has ruined his video games and creates a nostalgic yearning for non-political vintage 80’s porn mags. Because who would fucking put a vote-ad on a porno?
Much like Jonald, I hate politics and anything political.
Unlike Jonald, I hate it so much, that the fucking degenerative idiots dragged me into politics when all I wanted to do was plant my ass on the fence so far in, you’d think I’d have ruptured sphincters of neutrality permanently scarred betwixt my logically-rationally-moderately-centrist cheeks.
Well, turns out, politics sucks. And I am super Anti-politics.
You misheard me, I didn’t say I’m a-political. That would imply that I don’t do politics, which is no longer the case.
No, I am ANTI-Political.
In fact, I’m going to start my own political faction-cult-fanatic-group that is anti-politics. Introducing the Anti-Political-Political-Club!
(Dear, CIA, FBI, NSA, CCP, KGB, mom&dad, ABC, etc. etc. This is satire and not a serious article, so please let me get at least 5 years off on my plea deal for the 250 years-to-life with-no-parole.)
You see, I want to go back to a bygone era of, every-other-three-years, downloading thirty peta-bytes of porn like Two-Girls-One-Hobo-Large-pickle-jar-hammer-volume-5 while scouting out the best deals and supporting local e-business entrepreneurs on onlyfans’ Halloween specials. All of this while remembering, by-interruption, that I have to hand out candy to cute-little-speed-bumps and soon-to-be-prospective-serial-killers. This would all be a regular October if it weren’t for the politiques.
I just want to continue my Patriotic duty of not-giving-a-fuck as Americanly as I can and as hyper-ignorantly as allowed.
Every day, I fulfill my civic duty of waking up early-after-noonish, getting my mail, and shredding it like it wasn’t my own. You know, like a felony.
Yet I am constantly reminded of our failed gerontocracy of Alzheimer riddled mentally unstable dementia patients, and how my generation of retarded spoiled millennials have to take the righteous mantle of being a bought-out politician to fight the crippling student-debt loan bubble that they literally fed. Keep in mind the number of rising star autist-Zoomers from anti-vaccinations and pro-vaccinations (because both sides have autism) are somehow in the mix.
Alright, we Americans read left to right so let’s shit on the left first.
So the Left is a bunch of fucking cLowns and cucks that simp on racial injustice or justice or whatever-the-fuck. No real empathy, and all just delusional ‘simp’-athy of Freudianly-projecting emotions onto everyone and everything else.
They call you racist if you’re neutral, or racist if you didn’t vote, and if you did vote, they’ll tell you that you’re racist if you didn’t vote for their candidate.
Even if you did vote for their candidate, they’ll call you racist for not doing it earlier. And if you didn’t vote at all, then you ain’t black, now clap for that you stupid bastards.
(UPDATE: The original video got removed. It was a loop of Joe Biden saying “Clap for that, you stupid bastards” over a hip hop beat. It was pretty good ngl.)
The cLowns are not even self aware, they are so deep in their shit that they can’t change themselves but want to change the system as if systemic oppression is the ONLY means to a better life or society vice the birth of millions of millionaires that are doing far better than I am.
They’ve got an indoctrinated cult of scientism and aCadEmIc Marxists that do dumb shit with ivory towers of academics that don’t know shit about real-life experiences of actual trade skills or the marginalized hardly-working-middle-class-millionaires.
The cLowns have figured out the political geriatrics to turning diversity into forced segregation and tokenism. Fucking great.
The humor is shit and posh with a pretentious spin, and they don’t even have a Satire comedy site. Probably because they are LIVING their satire, they’re not just cLowns, they’re the whole circus.
They can’t meme, so the cLowns have lesser value than real humans.
(because the first four Reichs were already taken by Europe)
These Guys gave up being racist ethno-nationalists by letting the cLowns be more racist then them, so they’re Retarded. What ever happened to the bell curve, statistics, and racial prejudice? RetaRds.
Well, religious fanatics abound, these retaRds preach in conservative tongues of having religion or the moral high-ly-made-up ground of cultish book club worshipers with a clandestine society of pedophilic priest vampires. Or Whatever the Mushroom-Dead-Sea-Scroll cult calls themselves today.
All of this book-clubbing to strip you of woman’s god-given-right to kill babies and fight against femi-nazi-cLowns.
Atleast these data-pseudo-science-riddle-ethno-nationalist-retaRds can pretend to ‘pull themselves up by their ass-chaps’ and moral incredulity by advocating for extreme prejudice in running over brain-dead protesting Highway-pedestrians.
Don’t worry, they voted in a non-politician for shits and giggles to stick it to a failed political system of shit-discourse.
Much like how our UK counterparts just yolo’d into Brexit because fuck the shit-la-ment deferring national interests to the Fourth Reich.
Which is great, no joke. The world is a mess, and I’m sippin’ on that fire.
Always lamenting about the costs of healthcare and insurance as if we don’t have a meglo-maniac-health-corporation-monopoly of MLM insurance companies with a death grip on the cost of hard-essential-drugs.
Like Boo-hoo, I wAnT SmAler GubErMenT in da market, while shilling out their cuckery to spread fear and power for the corporate-oligarchy-trusts who’ve already lined the pockets of revolving-door-enthusiasts insiders. All in the name of financially conservative or something-something, (I didn’t listen to their platform, I don’t bother to).
Well, at least these retaRds have Memes, Satire sites like the Babylon Bee, and God on their side. So I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt that these retaRds are quite-possibly-remotely-slightly-uncertainly-better (in an alternative-dimension-where-no-one-exists) than the cLowns.
Yea, as I’ve said, retaRds.
Introducing the Syllogistic Hegelian Dialectic of Degeneracy:
The title means nothing, ignore that and look at the title, now back to me, now math:
cLowns + retaRds = cLowntaRds
Yes, those who partake in the mud-poop-defecating-coprolalia-guano-slinging shit-talking are a bunch of cLowntaRds.
There are like 300 million Americans and only 87.3% of them surf the internet. So these cLowntaRds get advice from random dick-sucking foreigners with obviously-fake/spoofed-US-VPNs tampering their election like a Rohingya Muslim Slaughter of Burma, you know, gullible-genocide.
It’s alright, the typical American Boomer gets swindled by fake-bots from undermined secret societies, that we conveniently blame as foreign interests, after we got rid of farmville. Because now outrage sells.
All of this while American Media Giant squeaks out their final death throes slowly by the throttling shit of fake news and degenerate stories which in turn validates the suspicion and skepticism ringing true to all the centrists like myself. Yes, I’ll wear my fucking tin foil hat, you 5G shill.
The 2016 Fuck-Shit-Stack
Yes, I’m reminded time and time again how these cLowntaRds keep ruining my sunday-lounge-in-the-gym-and-feel-stronger-doing-nothing days.
How they’ll cry over getting twitter-bots banned from their political cult factions.
The losers are gonna flip shit and throw a fit, performing some carnival jig like a real cLowntaRd. People thought the world was going to end over the changing of hands and switching of seats.
Lol, if you really wanted to end the world, just end yours. Suicide has been around since at least 1500s, no need to reinvent the wheel cup-snow-cake-flake.
I could go more into to detail, but I’m fucking lazy.
Just know that people are politicizing the American English lexicon (and dictionaries) with shit words like ‘fake-news’ and ‘alternative-facts’, fucking cLowntaRds.
The Real Americans
Most Americans, myself included, do their civic duty of not voting.
That’s right random statistics pulled out of my ass show that like-50% of Americans just don’t give a fuck.
If only we could get rid of half of America,
So when these cLowntaRds start screeching at me like a cornered baboon for my heroic daily feats of vetoing every vote (That’s why I shred every mail each day, it’s to veto), I can’t help but feel offended.
I mean, most of my friends are autistic, myself included, but we’re just going to ignore the degenerative cLowntaRd adult-children with their emotionally unstable yelling tantrums about guns, spawn-camping, or guberment tax?
Like, let me at least suck-start my glock before you talk to me.
Absolutely no respect.
We have to vote in a non-politician, not Trump, he’s already got 4 years under his belt so he’s a Politician now.
We need a new face, not-a-politician, a divine-beat-maker, the Wildest West of the West. The Ka Ka KA KAAAN YEEEE 3000!!!!
Ha, google the fucking moon shoes (spoken yeezys).
“Rappers are the new rockstars
and I’m the number one rockstar in the world”
-Ye in 2013
He said it himself, what a G.
Below is a long form interview with Ye, and Bro Jogan if you want to check it out:
So Ye has a Track record of being the best, and I heard he likes Fish sticks.
He went from owing 50 mill, to sitting on 5 bill.
Talk about financial suicide,
If you really think about it, he’s like a money Jesus.
Died with 50 mil in debt like a financial death, then reborn with 5 billion, talk about the second coming.
*Jordan Belfort be taking notes.*
Kanye is really living in the future so the present is his past.
“It was something that God put in my heart back in 2015. A few days before the MTV awards it hit me in the shower. When I first thought of it, I just started laughing to myself and all this joy came over my body, through my soul.” -Ye 2020
Honestly, the political circus and blind eye to decadence gave way to this shit-perspective of life. So that’s a plus.
I’m going to keep on doing what I’ve always been doing, and that’s my civic duty. So based on all that I’ve talked about, I’m going to vote for. . .
The vote to veto every vote, yes. Business as usual.
There’s only one safe bet, and that’s No Safe Bets. (which isn’t safe, btw).
As Chairmen and founder of the Anti-Political-Political-Club, I promise nothing, and will end up doing more than I promised. Simply, by accident.
I wasn’t voted in, because we don’t vote. It’s our thing, remember.
The election results are coming up, this global pandemic sucks, and people are probably going to fake riot anyway. Which means all my stonks and 401k can’t possibly go tits up.
So go do your part, and Get out there and Don’t Vote!
*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any, Advice