Since the dawn of television, instead of enjoying bright and shiny colors, you saw public service announcement after public service announcement about donating blood.

“Donate blood and save a life,” they would drill this into your brain to the point where the only way you would assume you could save someone’s life was by giving them blood. Someone choking on food at a restaurant? Cut yourself with the restaurant knife and splash your blood on them.

See someone drowning in the pool? Dive headfirst into the shallow end and fill the pool with blood. That will save them.

This ‘saving people with blood’ is further backed by centuries of scientific bloodletting. You know, take some leeches and remove the bad blood. Have a barber nib your arm a little, that sort of thing.

The worst part about donating blood is that most places won’t even pay you. They roll up in buses equipped with technicians who couldn’t get into medical school to ask you to come in and let them stab you like a mosquito. After these Blood-sucking-vampires draw an inordinate amount of blood from you they just give you a cookie or a t-shirt and send you on their way.

They’re joking, right? Unfortunately, thousands of people around the world line up to donate blood after every major catastrophe in the world. Most of the time it’s after the United States has its weekly scheduled mass shootings. But at least people are lining up to donate health points from their body instead of money towards people who could make a difference (Like us).

These people, or Blood Cows, don’t understand that blood is worth way more than a cookie. Doing a quick Google search (because most people are too lazy to. You’re welcome) tells us that the average cookie is worth about twenty cents.

Twenty cents.

Do you have any idea how much your blood is worth? Your red blood cells alone are worth the price of a new PlayStation. Not only that, for those who paid attention in their high school science class, but your blood is made up of other stuff too. There are platelets and plasma, and with the red blood cells, they can easily all sell for over half a thousand dollars.

You’re being robbed of essential fluids your body needs to survive. Even after paying their minimum wage blood draw technicians, the administrators and CEOs of these companies are pocketing a disproportionate amount. The surplus after fooling you into only accepting a cookie.

The cookie has obviously no benefit to replenish sugars or other nutrients. The academic sciences say that is a lie, maybe, we don’t actually read. . .

Whoever decided that donating blood would be a lucrative business was as smart as the cookie they fool you into believing is a reasonable trade-off for your blood.

Want to know the worst part about donating blood that makes it one of the worst ideas you could do? Forget the finances for one minute and think about how none of the money is going into researching how to better put it into other people’s bodies.

Since the dawn of blood donations, there hasn’t been a lot of progress as far as blood transfusion is concerned. In the World Wars of the early 1900s, we just took someone else’s blood and put them into another person. It wasn’t until recently that we started assigning letters to blood and then coming up with confusing charts about blood compatibility. If you’re a type O blood, then you can’t donate to a person with type Z or type Y blood because they would spontaneously combust in flames.

They just needed to come up with some complicated system so it fools the average person into believing your blood goes through some kind of vetting process before they put it into another person.

In Closing

Sure, someone’s life might be getting saved, but they could be saved for so much less money. Maybe administrators and CEOs could be using that money to further research into blood, but we’ll try to appeal to their senses after their solo yacht trip around the Bahamas.

So donating blood = bad.

If you still want to donate blood, just donate it to us. We’ve got a nice contract with intergalactic biogenetic splicing aliens, and they totally want your biological data. We’ll give you, not one, but two cookies.

This Opinion has been brought to you by a Certified Healthcare Professional

Regardless of who brought it to you, you should consider all of this as:
*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice.